Q: I’m moving a few hours away from my hometown to come to ETSU. I still have a boyfriend back home, and I don’t know what to do. Is a long distance relationship a good idea, or am I just wasting our time?
-Miles Apart in MathesA: That depends on what you want from your relationship.
In some cases, people won’t even leave their boyfriends or girlfriends to go away to college, choosing instead to stay in their hometown to pursue the relationship. But what happens when the relationship ends? You’re left with no education and no good job opportunities for yourself. Basically, you’re back to square one.
I’m glad you’ve at least made the decision to come to college even though your boyfriend can’t or won’t come with you. Regardless of whether or not you stay with your boyfriend, at least you are making a good life for yourself. You should never let yourself feel tied down or held back by someone else.
You are going to change a lot from the person you thought you were in high school. College will give you many new opportunities to define yourself, and you may find yourself with a new group of friends before your first semester is even over. You may also find yourself with a new boyfriend, or at least new ideas about what you want in a potential partner, and you may discover that your old boyfriend is not really the type of person who is right for you.
With that said, you still don’t know whether to try to maintain your long distance love or set both of you free to explore what’s out there. I guess that all depends on how strongly you feel about him and where you see your relationship going.
Do you think you have a future with this person, or can you imagine yourself finding someone more in tune with your personal interests and goals?
How much is it going to bother you that you can no longer see your boyfriend on a regular basis? Physical contact – hugs, kisses, just being near the other person – is what keeps people close. Lose the physical closeness and the emotional closeness is not far behind. It’s not going to be easy to feel close to someone when the extent of your contact with the person is a visit once a month and a phone conversation here and there.
Basically, unless you are both extremely committed to keeping your relationship alive, it is not going to work. If you decide you want the relationship to work, it’s still not going to be easy. Both of you will probably think you have feelings for other people when you start to miss your simple day-to-day life as a couple. Long days and nights alone will make you wish you had ended it, or that you had never moved away.
The best thing to do would probably be to talk it over with your boyfriend and explain to him how hard it would be, and then decide together whether or not your relationship is worth all the trouble.
Whatever you decide, good luck.
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