Since school has started back, I have been attending the CPA religiously once a month in order to get a jump start on my spring break physique. However, the events that transpired last week could put me out of commission for a considerable time.
It was a crisp Wednesday afternoon as the first signs of fall were in the air. I decided a workout would be beneficial, so I made my way to the CPA.
I was just about to commence with my gluteus maximus procedure when suddenly the heavens parted and directly in front of me was a woman in the most attractive workout apparel I’ve witnessed to date. My hands started to sweat, I was weak in the knees and I took a close look at my surroundings.
The guy on my left had muscles bulging out from his forehead to his toenails and was bench pressing what appeared to be the weight of a school bus, and the man on my right was equally as buff, and I’m certain that if he had added one more weight to his regimen, the bending iron bar would have snapped it front of us all.
I assessed my situation and all that came to mind was SpongeBob lifting marshmallows on a stick. In an effort to hold on to my man-cards, I began filling the bar in confidence with as many 45 pound weights at my station while the woman in front of me watched curiously through the mirror. I gave myself a quick pep talk, and whether it was adrenaline or divine intervention, somehow I managed to lift the bar from the stationary position.
“You’ve got this,” I said to myself as I carefully proceeded my squat.
I ease down—slowly at first—but the laws of physics and gravity soon took over and I went crashing to the floor while 45 pound weights go rolling everywhere and metal meeting metal creates incessant bangs. Immediately, the two hefty gentlemen came to my aid.
“Are you OK?” they exclaimed as I quickly bounced back to my feet.
“Oh yeah I’m fine. My shoe slipped,” was my response, pointing to my Nike’s and trying to hide any evidence that it felt like my back was getting beat with a butcher’s knife.
Now, if you are the one who witnessed this episode through the mirror on the wall, I’m sure you have reasoning as to why you were dressed in such a way that caused me to overestimate my physical ability. I would be happy to discuss your reasoning over dinner and a movie; otherwise for my personal safety and for the safety of all CPA patrons who are poor lifters, I strongly suggest a less attractive garment choice.