I have put great thought into how one might solve the massive problems of the hole in the ozone, the depletion of natural resources and the damage we have done to the environment. It would require a great commitment on our part and an unwavering hand in its execution.
We should exterminate the human race.
Think how many trees we could save if there were no little Johnnys and Janes. No more tree houses, no more baseball bats and we could even do away with the earth raping habits of gift-wrapping.
No report cards or diapers, and we could even dispose of those little pictures that say, “I Love U Mommy” written with paper-wrapped crayons.
It is only by wiping ourselves out that we can end air pollution. We need to dispose of cars, cigars and smokestacks. Everything is created from nature or by machines made of natural materials, so we should destroy machines and go back to nature.
Wait, what about overpopulation? Well why not eat those who cannot take care of themselves? Have a little Uncle Ed with some Aunt Sue Sauce. Then those who survive will go on.
Oh, there is one more problem. What do we do with the small percentage that is left? What about man the animal? He is not adapted to live outdoors, so he will have to damage nature to build a shelter.
Therefore, after we have eaten the young, old and infirm, after we have destroyed everything good and bad about society, the remainder should kill themselves by jumping off a high cliff (can’t use tools – we might harm the fragile ecosystem).
Only after every trace of human existence has been wiped from the face of the earth can we guarantee that we will leave a better world for our grandchildren.
Let us go at this wholeheartedly. Save the planet, kill everyone.

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