W. LOCUST ST. – Missis-sippi Gov. Ronnie Musgrove announced Sunday in a nationally televised press conference that the Southern state’s decades-long struggle against tourism has ended in success.
“You talk to a person in the state of Mississippi and you can rest assured that person is from the state of Mississippi,” the governor said while addressing a crowd of 4,500 extremely sweaty people in a Greyhound station parking lot.
State police estimate that more than 375 teeth showed up for the occasion.
After several minutes of proud documentation of Mississippi’s nearly non-existent tourism revenue, the Governor spontaneously grabbed a megaphone, stood atop a broken down Buick and shouted to the adoring crowd.
“We don’t want those Godless Alabama carpetbaggers and their fancy high school diplomas coming around here,” the Governor bellowed as nearby relief workers could be seen digging through the wreckage of Mississippi’s image.
In related news from Jackson, Miss. state legislators announced that a state contract has been awarded to a Tupelo company that specializes in airbrushing designs of the Confederate flag on police-issued batons.

Author