W. LOCUST ST. – As he counts down the 26 remaining days until his 43rd birthday, Carl Garland is looking to the near future for the threesome he earned after wishing for it and then blowing out all the candles on last year’s birthday cake.
The wish, made during a birthday party that Carl pretended his cats threw for him, did not specify when the threesome would occur. Garland, who supervises washers and dryers at a 24-hour laundromat, feels confident that the wish will come true before his next birthday arrives.
“I blew out all the candles without taking one of those extra half-a-breaths that you sometimes see people take,” Carl said while making a lint-ball.
Although optimistic about having a threesome soon, Carl does admit that it has been four years since he’s had a twosome. In the event that his birthday arrives without having his wish fulfilled, Carl claims that he’s prepared to “just have three onesomes and call it a year.

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