Whie walking the grounds of ETSU, one’s eyes may end up spotting a hottie.
Whether you are in search of a lasting relationship or simply some tasty eye candy, there are various spots where you can spot an especially scrumptious male or female.
If you can’t shake the fact that you think calculators are sexy, don’t be ashamed – try spotting some sizzling girls or guys in the business building.
You could spark lively conversations with hot business majors by discussing the falling inflation rate in Poland or what your feelings are on the fact that National Century Financial Enterprises may be filing for bankruptcy protection.
Bring some papers with you documenting the marketing analysis you did for a local business over the summer during your internship, and show them to hot students sitting on the floor in the spotless carpeted hallways of Sam Wilson Hall.
In all their scorching hotness, they are sure to be impressed.
Because of its many uses, the D.P. Culp Center is a place that many hotties frequent.
The third floor of the Culp is usually devoid of much human bustle except for the occasional horde of students that routinely pack into Main Meal.
If you’re lucky however, you may be able to spot a really hot Nexus Inside Track student tutor on the third floor, in which you can schedule a time for them to help you with your calculus. See, math can be fun. Uh-huh.
Contained in the Culp Center is one structure that is perfect for hottie-spotting activities – the ramp.
If you are one of those slackers that always opts to wait for the incredibly slow elevators in the Culp, all the while thinking that if you had walked the ramp you would be at your destination already, you should definitely put the ramp to good use.
It is by far the best place to take part in hottie-spotting activities.
As you walk up the ramp and spot a hottie who is on the level above, you can stare at them longingly for a maximum 15 seconds.
All the while you are looking at them, they won’t know that you are looking.
They may even glance behind them, at which point you will look away and close you’re eyes, envisioning them in ripped and tattered clothing running down the ramp in slow motion and jumping into your tender, loving arms.
A fair amount of hotties can usually be spotted in front of Rogers-Stout during the times when pedestrian traffic is at its peak.
There are mostly smokers in front of the building, and that can be a bit of a dilemma for non-smokers who want to get in on some of that Rogers-Stout action.
One could simply stand there for long periods of time waiting for an imaginary class to begin.
And, although I would never encourage anyone to start smoking, it may just be necessary to bum a puff or two off of some undeclared freshman hottie and proceed to seductively blow the smoke into their impressionable freshman face.
A couple of years ago I spotted the hottest hottie to ever step foot in the bursar’s office of Burgin Dossett Hall.
As I glanced over to the other long lines of people waiting to get their fees paid, I saw a sun-toasted Latin boy with shaggy, curly locks and nicely sculpted calves waiting in line with a friend to pay a fee.
I anxiously kept looking over to make eye contact, and did a couple of times, but failed to ask the foreign studmuffin what his name was, and if he would like to hold hands with me and drink coffee sometime.
Scenes like this, including one where he was singing to me in Spanish flashed in my mind.
Just then as I snapped back to reality, my muy caliente boy wonder was gone, and there I was stuck behind someone with a rolling backpack and extremely tight acid wash jeans, waiting in line to pay my tuition, utterly alone and without Latin love.
Events as sad as this one should never happen.
If you spot an irresistibly hot hottie on campus, make it your duty to approach them and make a proposition for something innocent such as coffee, main meal, a free on-campus public event or a little slapping around in the sea of balls at a McDonald’s Playplace.
Hot, hot, sizzle, sizzle.
With all these hotties around, be careful not to burn yourself.

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