Dear Editor,
I talked with a Grade-A nice guy a few nights ago and we discussed the Star Report and its views about relationships.
Nice Guy or Nice, as he will be called, is a 20-year-old student at ETSU who is experienced with the inner workings of a nice guy’s boring brain. I asked Nice if he knew any girls like Star.
He replied, “Yes, but they’re too easy. Girls like Star, to steal from the article, have experienced a multiplicity of relationships.
This just doesn’t pose much of a challenge.”
When asked about nice guys getting old quick, he said, “This is the case because the relationships with nice guys lack the much anticipated nightly interpretations of slurred speech which tends to happen when you date an alcoholic.”
I laughed because an alcoholic is one of the things Star said appealed to her, because of the bad boy quality, as long as he didn’t drive a plane into a building while in a drunken stupor.
I’m not sure she would even care about him driving his vehicle into a car full of kids while inebriated.
Nice said he doesn’t want a girl he can change. “If it isn’t broke don’t fix it. Why change a good thing? Girls don’t go out and buy faulty hair dryers so they can have the challenge of fixing them. Why would they go out to find a guy to change? It just seems like bad logic, but then again, I don’t expect anything but bad logic from girls like Star. As long as they can color coordinate their clothes, the rest of the world really doesn’t matter.”
According to Nice, when Star said girls want drama this is what she really meant. “Girls like Star want someone they can sob to their friends about.” I know this because nice guys always have the friends that are dating assholes, and who do you think they come crying to? That’s right, me. The more he makes them cry, the more they want him. It’s like the dog that keeps going back to its master to be whipped. It’s pathetic.”
The conversation then steered toward marriage. “Girls like Star really do have starter marriages. These marriages usually always end in a messy divorce with a stranded child who only gets to see daddy on the weekends. Of course, this is assuming that the woman didn’t already have a child. Some girls that go for the assholes end up with a kid to raise by themselves and then they wonder why. They should have thought of that when they were looking for Mr. Right in a night club.”
Nice and I then pulled out a dictionary when we came to the part of the article that labeled Star as a “lady.”
After rummaging through the six or so definitions of lady, we were relieved to find one that finally fit.
We had no clue that lady could also refer to a mistress.
Before our talk was over, Nice had a few words of advice.
“Ladies, don’t go to night clubs looking for guys unless you only want one thing. Believe me, a guy at a night club only wants one thing. If you’re there to pick him up, as Star so eloquently put it, then you’re probably ready to deliver. It’s that easy.”
I’ve known Nice for a long time, and I know he’s a gentleman. Not only that, but everyone asks for his advice.
Now, for my last words: Bartee, the girls despise her because she’s the type that hits on everyone’s boyfriends, and for that matter she probably doesn’t care what she hits on as long as he has a four-letter word vocabulary and wears name brand clothing.
And to the East Tennessean: you shouldn’t print an article about girls wanting assholes in the same paper as women standing up for themselves because they had assholes that beat them.
I just hope that Star doesn’t end up “taking back the night.”
Averil Chaney

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