I have come to one sobering conclusion since last Thursday. If Paul Harvey had been reading the news from the East Tennessean, it would have been impossible for him to complete his broadcast.
“And now Page 4,” Harvey says as he clears his throat, and in that famous radio voice again says, “And now Page 4.”
OK guys.
Before everyone gets all worked up over nothing, and says something about biting the hand that feeds, we need to step back, take a deep breath and be able to laugh at ourselves. And besides, the online version of ET was superb.
As you can see, I’m already trying to make amends to my editor for even having the nerve to bring the subject up in the first place.
Now, if you are wondering what the ruckus was about, just try finding Page 4 in last Thursday’s edition of the East Tennessean. It’s not there. But what the hey! We had Page 3 printed twice. Doesn’t that count for something?
I know that our newspaper is printed by the Elizabethton Star, and Elizabethton is in Carter County. Even with all the national media attention the county has received over the last several months for a variety of preposterous happenings, they don’t have our Page 4 either.
We just have to laugh at ourselves and say, “It could have been worse.”
I promised myself that I would try to look on the lighter side of the issues last week, and even though it’s been somewhat maddening, I almost succeeded.
I wrote a short news article last week regarding the first presidential debate.
The Commission of Presidential Debates, the official governing body of these debates, changed so many items just hours before the debate, that when I sat down to watch them last Thursday, my first thought was, you guys messed up the article because you’re not supposed to be standing up.
The CPD clearly stated you would be sitting at a table. It probably would have been better on W’s ratings if he had been sitting down.
I know, “It’s hard work.” I believe the president repeated that phrase 12 times. And that’s 11 too many.
And while Sen. John Kerry waited until 9:29 p.m. to talk about Vietnam, he could have spared us all the agony and not even brought it up.
Well, on with the tomfoolery and more of the light side.
I looked at my calendar and found the most bizarre coincidence.
This year the two days prior to the election are known as All Hallows Eve and All Saints Day.
I know that in some religious circles Oct. 31 is also Reformation Day, but aside from that let’s examine these three days for a moment.
The boogie man, the saint and the election.
I think that the late Italian film director, Sergio Leone, may have used a similar title for one of his movies called The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
Now, we all know that there has never been a true saint elected to public office in the United States, so this leaves us with the boogie man who is left holding the bag.
Isn’t that what the boogie man usually does on Halloween, hold the bag?
And speaking of Halloween purely as a costume day, and not a movie, I understand that the George W. Bush mask is presently the No. 1 selling mask in the United States.
The last time this phenomenon happened, the individual whose face happened to be portrayed actually got elected president. Of course, it was none other than Richard Nixon.
“To Buy or Not to Buy the Mask?” – that is the question. Apologies to William Shakespeare, of course.
Ironically, the day after this year’s election, Nov. 3, was once referred to as All Soul’s Day in the Catholic Church.
Saving religion as a topic for another day, and the fact that saints and souls just don’t seem to fit together when talking about politics, I’ll get back to Halloween.
It seems as though Oct. 31 falls on a Sunday this year, and since it’s not proper to have ghosts and goblins masquerading around on Sunday, Halloween will be observed on Saturday.
I presume certain church officials find it wrong for the devil to be out on Sunday night. But, there’s nothing wrong with him being out on Saturday night, now is there?
And to make matters even worse, Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend, too. If you haven’t made up your mind on who you are voting for, you’ll now have an extra hour in which to accomplish the task.
No matter whom you cast your ballot for on Nov. 2, remember that if you fail to vote in this election – or any election – then you’re the boogie man, and you may find yourself left holding the bag.
“And now Page 4!”
From the Cannon Corner, I’m Larry French!

Author