You sit down, look straight ahead and see an impressionistic meshing of red, green, yellow, blue and black oil paint covering the body of a similarly painted man.
Your gaze shifts to your right to take in a masterfully drawn eye, as well as a sequence of action scenes put together by various artists in unison to portray the killing of an innocent bystander by a missile launched from a demon child.
You are in the midst of a new art gallery that just opened in Johnson City, experiencing the freedom of expression through artistry, right?
No, you are sitting on the toilet in the second floor men’s bathroom in Ball Hall (the Art building). The bathroom stall is the newest outlet for brilliant young minds to express themselves creatively.
Or at least that is what appears to be the case when the sheer number of bathroom drawings and writings are realized.
No longer are stalls simply places to eliminate waste from the body.
They are empty slates for budding young poets, artists, politicians and comedians to express their inner thoughts to a bloated and gassy world!
What better a place is there to find these wonderful pieces of creative work on campus than the three buildings that make up the Mecca of East Tennessee State University’s creative aura: Burleson Hall (English and Literature), Ball Hall (Art and Design), and Warf-Pickle Hall (Communications Department and Education).
Upon these sacred and stinky walls lie great political debates such as “Regan screwed us over” followed by a “who?” which was then answered by “Damn Democrats that’s who!!”
Also practiced upon these great walls is the democratic process working flawlessly with statements such as “I vote for vending machines in all of the stalls. You know, out with the old and in with the new” garnering public support for important referendums.
Sometimes the activists took on a more humanistic approach and focused on world issues like “Free South Africa!” followed by the response written directly below of “Go for it man.”
They attacked world-wide hunger with “Feed the Homo’s!” which I am sure is referring to the large percentage of homosapeans who are starving.
Another heavy subject approached by these brave and potent minds is that of drug use. In lines such as “Where can I get some dope?” which was thoughtfully answered by “Obviously from dope heads” the problem that has plagued politicians and lawmakers for years has finally been solved.
Perhaps you wish to discover some new lyrical poet. Where better a place than a small cubical in which gems such as “Not all who wonder are lost”, “Does you **** hang low does it wobble to fro?”, and “Unleash the fury, unleash the piss” are presented with the fluidity that could make John Donne and T.S. Eliot green with envy?
Along those same lines some of the most endearing tributes can be found upon these very same doors and walls.
One fan wrote “Slayer” upon the door of the fourth floor Ball Hall bathroom. an honor, any band would give a platinum record to achieve I’m sure.
And I’m sure Big Tom was endlessly grateful for his moment of fame given to him by a fan in the quote “Big Tom Rocks!”
But, could those accolades even compare to the ode of pure love presented in the statements “I love Lori ***” and “I love boyz.”
How could Lori or any boy turn down such an impassioned plea in such a public arena?
Perhaps you would prefer to garner wisdom from the ageless sages of excretion.
For such an inquiring mind there are truths such as “Always pillage before you burn” and “Jesus loves you!” etched into these hallowed spaces to birth a whole new generation of Christian Vikings.
There are countless other witty, humorous and obviously brilliant pieces of art that just couldn’t be placed into this article because of content and spacing.
However, there is one final transcript that sums up the entire experience of any astute observer with a belly ache.
This epic debate occurs, once again, upon the fourth floor of Ball Hall where brilliance is imparted on the human race with “We are one world fix injustice!”
To which the wisest rhetoric of “Go fix yourself and stop writing on bathroom walls” was replied.

Author