I’ve had friends tell me they want and need to die after a breakup. I’m reminded of Cinderella’s breakdown in the Disney film when she says, “It’s just no use. No use at all. I can’t believe. Not anymore. There’s nothing left to believe in. Nothing.”Then her fairy godmother appears and sends her to the ball after a nice makeover. If I could wave a wand and direct my friends to their “true love,” I wouldn’t hesitate to bibbidi-bobbidi-boo it. But I’m not a fairy godmother – just a fairy. All I can do is offer some advice based on my own experience with a codependent relationship.

If you have ever felt “like dying” in the aftermath of a breakup, then I hope you have also realized how much of a moron you were for being so senseless.

Odds are, you ended a relationship with someone who was shallow, two-dimensional, manipulative, unfaithful, and/or selfish. Do you really think losing someone with the depth of a soap opera character is worth ending your life?

If you feel unhappy at the thought of being single, you ironically are not alone. Everyone experiences loneliness, but that doesn’t justify developing a stigma against exploring who you are as an individual. It may sound boring and unhealthy, but “me time” is essential if you have any hope of self-preservation.

The happier you are by yourself, the easier your life will be when a relationship comes along and doesn’t work. The more you learn and discover about yourself, the more you have to offer when someone interesting does come along.

During my two-year stint with codependency, I was asked to drop out of college, to have a curfew of 10 o’clock, to end friendships, and to like Britney Spears. Key components of codependent relationships are clinginess, jealousy, a lack of trust and a need for one person to control the other.

Even in cases where both people are codependent, there is a time when one of the two will have a long overdue awakening.

My relationship was never made official. Beyond that, it was an open relationship in which one could date others while the other stayed home to cry in secret and write bad poetry. I’ll leave it to you to guess which one was me.

I was able to put up with the feeling of being “cheated on” because I was obsessed with the idea of being with someone, even with the double standards and empty sex.

I was terribly self-critical those days, and I see the same symptoms in many of my friends today.

What does it say about a person who is afraid of being single? It tells me that the “American dream” and Disney movies have corrupted that person in a place fixable only from the inside out.

A Buddhist principle states you must love yourself before you can love someone else. This doesn’t particularly apply to family, fortunately enough, but it does apply to finding a partner and more importantly, finding yourself. Our self-esteem is daily challenged by ads and programs about what is considered beautiful and meaningful.

Too many commercials accuse us of being fat, depressed and incomplete. Too many movies have a wedding at the end. Too many songs are concerned with having a Shawty. Too many books are by Stephenie Meyers.

Don’t look to logos, catchphrases or Hollywood for clues on finding happiness. If you are in a poisonous relationship or if you have an aneurism every time you see a couple, then you need to embrace being single.

As you can see, I didn’t drop out of college. I’m too much of a night owl for curfews. I like my friends, and I don’t like Britney Spears. I ended the relationship.

It has been well over a year since we’ve seen each other and I hope he is happy.

I know I am happy. It took financial aid another six months to come through for me; I still don’t have a clue where to go for my master’s degree; and I can’t stand that “Where the Wild Things Are” was snubbed for Best Picture, but I am happy.

I do sometimes wish our friendship of six years could have survived. Maybe writing this article will help others succeed in preserving their own friendships. Surely it isn’t impossible for two people to remain friends after a breakup?

In the words of Fiona Apple: “Oh, well.”

When despair is the central theme of a relationship, it will become apparent that happiness alone is more enjoyable than misery together.

If it takes you two, three or 10 years to get there, I hope you do get there and understand that we all make mistakes. The problem is that not all of us learn from them.

We are a species in love with prolonging the inevitable in the name of a happily ever after.

Instead of wasting so much time trying to make the glass slipper fit when it obviously doesn’t, see what happens when you throw it off a cliff.

It’s magical.

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