Why are we fueled by our desire to keep up with the proverbial Jonses? We have not caught up with them yet, and we never will.

When you contribute less to the supposed mandatory consumer etiquette, you send a quiet invitation to others around you to do the same.

And as a result, massive conglomerates will profit less, and you’ll never have to compromise doing work you don’t care about to afford things you don’t even want or need.

I’ve composed a list of ways to satisfy your wants and needs while circumventing the hefty price tag.

With methods like these you can get Zen and avoid the double chin.

Apply for night-life jobs and score a beer from bar owners while interviewing.

Box up barely-touched customer meals from the chain restaurant you work at and take it home to your roommates for a feast.

Catch independent bakers at the end of the shift and ask for what they would otherwise throw out.

Pasta sides. Tuna pouches. Grocery store-brand cola from the machine outside at 35 cents a pop.

Pick up every piece of spare change you see anywhere. I cannot count how many Dollar Menu meals I’ve pulled off by scraping up spare change.

Always make stews or stir-fry dishes. You can take the tiny bit left over from each can, jar and tupperware container and blend it all together with spices, water, oils, broth, and end up with a big feast like the old Stone Soup fable.

Get 24s and 40s when you’re drinking. Off-brand liquor with off-brand juice mixers. Like with soups, if you put a lot of different things into a cocktail, it doesn’t take as much of each ingredient.

Tell all your friends and dates that you want to meet their parents. You’ll come away with new friends and the best food you’ve had since the last time you were home visiting your folks.

Potluck with your friends. You may only have one dented can of corn but among four or five households you can all dine big.

Offer to pick up pizza when the party is at your place. Sometimes you end up getting more money back than you spent from guests who are paranoid about underappreciating your gesture.

Visit college orientations. There are plenty of student groups cooking out across campus.

Throw keggers and charge $3 a cup. If you can attract a good crowd, you’ll make money on it. Your chances of attracting guests are a little higher when they don’t have to break big bills.

Cook up a concoction of rice, red beans and veggies from your local farmer’s market when possible.

Go to political rallies. If you agree with the person, the food is a perk for your support. If you’re on the opposing side, you’re sabotaging the candidate. Win-win for you.

Turn bland and aging veggies into something a little more flavorful. Try them in flour and beer, then fry them, salt them and enjoy a homemade, tasty snack.

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