I’ll admit I’ve probably come off as a sarcastic, critical “Debbie Downer” in some of my columns, especially in regards to mainstream society. But there is one mainstream concept I believe in wholeheartedly, support in all its splendor and hope for everyone to experience. It is true love.

For three years I have been married to my best friend in the whole world. This is dedicated to her.

Not a lot about my life has gotten much better over the years I’ve been on this planet.

I haven’t achieved what I wanted to by this age. I haven’t grown in the personal ways I’d hoped.

But one thing that grows every single day is my love for my wife.

It’s obvious to me why I love her. But trying to accept love from someone when you don’t always love yourself is a concept many of us have trouble with.

Sometimes we almost want to drive someone away to protect them from the monster we think we are.

I’m not much of a religious person as you can probably tell, and I may moan and groan when the infamous Corinthians passage on love is shared countless times in cookie-cutter weddings.

But there’s a reason. Those verses are so true.

Real love does not envy or boast or keep a tally of wrongs (however tempting), it always protects and always hopes and all that jazz. Especially true is this part: If I have not love, I am nothing.

I pretend that my artistic pursuits would keep me warm at night if I were to go off my own direction, but I kid myself.

I need love and I need to give my love to become the kind of person I was made to be.

There is something so pure about what a relationship does to a person. It makes you desire happiness for someone beyond yourself.

It makes you question your motives and sacrifice conveniences, control and personal sovereignty to become, in some ways, part of a combined entity with your significant other.

Love is not only putting up with your lover’s friends and family, but learning to embrace them.

Love is never screening her calls, even when you know you’re in trouble. It’s thinking about the future when you can’t imagine getting through today.

Love is taking an interest in your partner’s dreams and hobbies even if you don’t understand them.

Love is realizing your lover’s faults, truly accepting them and then living with them.

My wife and I made a pact never to try to change anything that is core to the other person’s being.

I know my worldview and my obsession with being in ratty bands and running my mouth in print all the time is core to me and she puts up with it, so I try to make the same allowances for anything about her that’s hard to deal with (which is nothing in comparison), and to contribute as much as I can to our life together.

Love is giving up the reins, admitting you need help, letting someone see your vulnerabilities and emotions. It’s holding your tongue because you know you have to live with this person. And then it’s also saying something anyway because you know you have to live with this person.

Love is controlling your lust, love is being a less selfish lover, love is respecting your lover’s beliefs and viewpoints.

But love is also always having someone to call, to vent to and to trust.

It’s having someone who will defend you when no one else will.

It’s having someone to keep you warm in bed at night (or stick ice daggers she calls toes in between your feet, but I wouldn’t trade that nightly ritual for the world).

Love is someone who makes you do something uncool like write a whole column on love because you love her so much you want at least one of your long rants she has to labor through to not be a labor at all but just to say this: I love you so much, honey. You’re the best.

As James Taylor once said in that corny, syrupy sweet voice of his that rang so true, “Shower the people you love with love. Show them the way that you feel. Things are gonna work out better if you only will.”

So will we?

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