“I love you no matter what.”

“At least you can’t get pregnant.”

“We are worried for your immortal soul.”

 “Did you think I was going to treat you any differently? You’re still my son.”

“You think you’re a queer? You’re not my son.”

“Is that the news? Well, duh!”

Each of these is a response that an ETSU student has heard upon telling a family member that they’re not straight. A coming-out conversation can elicit rage, acceptance, confusion and everything in between. It can strengthen relationships and it can break them. It can open minds and it can close doors. It can be the best experience of a LGBT person’s life or it can be the worst, and almost without exception, it is the hardest.

National Coming Out Day was created to acknowledge that difficulty. Every Oct. 11, LGBT people and straight allies worldwide gather to celebrate openness and promote acceptance. And as of Oct. 4, ETSU joined the list of organizations to formally recognize this day.

“It helps people all around the globe know that they’re not alone,” said Keith Frederick, president of Johnson City’s Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) group. “A lot of times when you’re gay, lesbian or transgender, you can be so isolated and feel that you’re the only one. So an event like today really helps people feel connected.”

To mark the day, the LGBTies and ETSU’s Office of Multicultural Awareness co-sponsored a candlelight vigil outside the Culp Center Tuesday night. Unfriendly weather failed to discourage about 50 participants, who shielded their candles from the wind and the rain as they listened to poetry, personal testimonies and messages of encouragement.

“We gather because we have hope,” said Dalton Collins, president of the Student Government Association (SGA). “Hateful words and actions can cut to the heart of our existence. I believe every person deserves to be safe in their environment. Whatever way you choose to express yourself, know that that’s OK. You deserve to be happy.”

The event was also sponsored in part by the Presbyterian Campus Ministry. The Rev. John Shuck, pastor of the First Presbyterian Church in Elizabethton, Tenn., expressed his church’s acceptance as well as his own personal support for the LGBT community.

“It’s part of our theology to welcome all people and to seek equality and to seek understanding,” Shuck said. “One of my roles is to help the church stop hurting people. We think that Jesus would have welcomed everybody.”

According to the Study of Attitudes about Sexual Orientation, which is currently in progress in the Department of Psychology, about 18 percent of participating ETSU students identify as a sexual minority.

These students are represented on campus by the LGBTies and in the broader Tri-Cities area by PFLAG, Northeast Tennessee Pride and the Tennessee Equality Project.

Even so, gay people still have many obstacles to face. LGBT students are at a much higher risk for verbal and physical harassment as well as self-harm and suicide. Add to this the fear of rejection by family members or loss of employment due to sexual orientation, and it’s not hard to understand why coming out is such a big decision.

“I walked outside to my car one morning to find the words “faggot” and “c***sucker” spray-painted on my car,” said Tyler Slater, an openly gay student. “It was also saying that I deserve to die of AIDS and burn in hell.”

Slater was harassed to the point that he had to move out of the ETSU dormitories permanently to escape the torment. Other students have experienced a similar climate of fear.

“I’ve had the occasional yell-out just because I walk with a friend of mine — not even a gay friend,” said Austin Keenan, another student who identifies as gay. “I know someone that was on this campus that got fired from his job because his manager found out. It’s in rare amounts, but that doesn’t stop it from existing.”

Even so, things are getting better all the time. National Coming Out Day is now recognized by the SGA. While things may never be perfect for LGBT students at ETSU, at least now they can gather outside the Culp Center every Oct. 11 to light one another’s candles and remember that they are not alone.

“I think everybody has a certain fear that they’re going to be rejected for who they are,” said Frederick. “It’s that classic thing: ‘If you really knew who I was you wouldn’t love me.’ And when something is so much at the core of who you are, then that becomes a real issue for some.

 It really needs to become a non-issue, and the more we can do to help educate people and educate different cultures, the better off we are as a whole society.”

 

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