The older I get, the more I realize just how prominently gender and power intersect. There’s a few one-liners I expect in my walk of life when dealing with men, and one of those instances is frank shock followed by, “Wow, you’ve got a great handshake.”
Like most times when a man can’t help blundering out a sexist remark, I let it go. It was seemingly harmless the first time it happened some years ago, but as I grew older and handshakes became more common (for greetings, for interviews, for simple gratitude), I realized most men braced themselves for the same delicate touch I, as a fellow woman, have experienced when shaking another woman’s hand.
I won’t readily believe women are afraid of shaking my hand as much as they’re not afraid of shaking a man’s hand, but it seems that a strong handshake remains to be associated with the masculine. Alongside the long-standing, gentlemen club’s tradition of teaching young men to shake hands, our young women are still being raised to be docile and submissive in the wake of a man. We see it in movies, our culture and society, as much as we notice it among our family, friends, and coworkers.
The handshake, by all intentions, is a means of introduction, but it’s subconsciously (or consciously) viewed as a traditional show of strength and masculine brotherhood. Two men weren’t allowed to touch each other as delicately and compassionately as two women might, in fear of being perceived as weak or at risk of being perceived as gay (another fear men hold in terms of toxic masculinity, but that can be saved for another article); therefore, the handshake has always been a man’s way of greeting another man. Women used to be reprimanded if they were bold enough to shake a man’s hand; it used to be unmannerly for women preceding the late 20th century.
Since women began to enter the professional workforce round the 1970s-80s, we’ve only just entered the game of professional charm and dominance. Even fifty years later, women continue to face the challenge of balancing our dominance and our femininity. Women have been raised to submit to the man’s ego, to simply step aside when a man is in our path, to apologize for “feeling in the way,” to let our voices fall silent in opposition to a man’s, or simply turn away from the “bro culture” that takes place within the workplace.
Sexism still exists, believe it or not, and women are still fighting for their place among a male-dominant workplace. I recommend reading Rebecca Solnit’s book, “Men Explain Things to Me.” It’s a combination of essays and articles she wrote about gender and power. Sexism might be funny and humorous to some (particularly men) or an over-exaggeration to others (particularly men but also some women), but Solnit explains that sexism derives itself from gender violence, how preconceived notions of women’s submissive “inferiority” manifest themselves in snide remarks about women’s dominance or women’s “unnaturally strong” handshakes.
For all the women out there, embrace the firm handshake. Practice shaking hands with your friends, male or female, and be sure to maintain eye contact. I’ve had men squeeze my hand a little too hard, but don’t let that discourage you. Squeeze their hand a little harder. There’s something powerful in a woman overcoming traditional gender roles, and I can only say that I will take every shocked face and blubbering comment about my “strength” if it means I’ve set the bar a little higher for my fellow women.
