In the self-descriptions of the dating apps I use, I have written: “Trans, Poet, I like video games, ETSU English Major, That’s my cat Kevin,” and “I’m T4T.”
Sometimes I’ll get messages from people asking, “What’s T4T?” I simply tell them, “It stands for Trans for Trans,” and go on to explain I’m mostly looking for relationships with other trans people. It’s a bit more complicated, however. I don’t usually go into the longer history of the term, what it has meant and what it means to want that now. Unless the person asks, I never give an explanation as to why I even want this mode of relationship.
The term T4T originally came from the days of Craigslist personals. Essentially, people would make posts on Craigslist and put “stats” about themselves, if they were crossdressers, gay straight-acting, discreet or if they could host or not. T4T originated with crossdressers that were seeking other crossdressers. Although it wasn’t unheard of, T4T never really signified that transsexuals were looking for other transsexuals.
This happened for a multitude of reasons. Notably, Ray Blanchard created a system to identify certain “transsexuals” versus “fetishitic transestites.” The system had prominence for a few years, making its way into the DSM-5. Blanchard created these categories based on the sexual behaviors of the trans person: “true” transsexuals were those that were straight, a trans woman must be only attracted to men. In other instances, where trans people sought either homosexual relationships, so a lesbian trans woman seeking other women, or sought other trans relationships.
At times, those that were deemed fetishists were denied access to hormones and life saving surgeries. (Blanchard now supports access to hormones for all, but his theory still creates a residual othering of certain trans women.)
As a result, many trans women just did not seek out these relationships. If it meant choosing between life with the one you love and life with your own body that you love, the decision was simple. Access to hormones in the U.S. has now tended down the path of informed consent. Gatekeeping of hormones from trans people was no longer as high. Additionally, there are several DIY methods of HRT.
I have only ever known of this world of informed consent and access to DIY hormones, where I was the creator of my destiny, where I am privileged to love who I love. There are several practical reasons that I am T4T: cis people just don’t get me.
Cis people’s motives are allusive, always escaping. They can never seem to pinpoint their desires for me. They oscillate between absolute worship of the body I’ve created to transphobia. They’re either too scared to take me out or to let me meet their parents.
So, I’m T4T for comfort and safety.
