For many young adults, college is a time for exploration and meeting new people, a time to experience romantic relationships and connections that may not have been available during high school. However, not all relationships in college have positive outcomes.
Dating abuse can manifest in several different forms: physical, verbal, sexual or even digital, meaning it can be hard to spot if you don’t know the signs. By understanding the signs of dating abuse and the resources that are available, you could help save the life of your friend, classmate or even yourself. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, nearly 1 in 3 college women have been in an abusive relationship, 57% of college students say it’s difficult to identify dating abuse, and 58% of college students don’t know what to do to help someone who is a victim of abuse.
When starting a new relationship, you can’t tell if a person will turn out to be abusive for they may seem like the perfect partner. That doesn’t mean there aren’t warning signs you need to be aware of. In most abusive relationships, the abuser will try to gain control over the person they’re abusing. They’ll get jealous when you hang out with friends or family instead of them, possibly going as far as preventing you from spending time with your loved ones. They may insult or shame you, especially in front of others, intimidate you with weapons or violence, or pressure you into doing activities or participating in substances you’re not comfortable with.
The important thing to remember is whether the victim is you or someone you know, abuse is never the victim’s fault. No matter how an abuser messes with an individual’s emotions, there is nothing that they have done to warrant being abused verbally, physically or sexually.
Getting out of an abusive relationship can be tricky. Abuse victims deal with fear and shame around admitting they’re being abused, as well as the possibility their abuser is threatening them. By leaving their abuser, someone who’s being abused could lose their house, their money, their pets or children, and possibly more. Leaving is hard, and it’s important to remember that if you’re helping someone leaving an abusive situation.
There are dozens of resources available for victims of domestic violence in the United States. Nationally, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached by phone at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233), on their website, thehotline.org, or by texting “START” to 88788. The Family Justice Center of Johnson City and Washington County is a great local resource for those experiencing domestic violence. You can reach them at (423) 722-3720. For ETSU students experiencing domestic violence or sexual assault, fill out a CARE report with the Dean of Students office (https://www.etsu.edu/students/dean-students/care.php) or contact the ETSU Counseling Center at (423) 439-3333.
In such circumstances, it’s important to remember that no matter where you are or who you are, there are resources to help you get out of the situation and thrive.
