Last week I walked into Postal Services to check my mailbox, only to discover that someone had stolen it. Upon investigation, I learned that ETSU Postal Services has removed my student right to own a mailbox on campus. Perhaps those of you reading this have also had this right revoked.
According to Don McCarty, Director of Postal and Passport Services, “Everyone with P.O. boxes 21401 thru 23320 will no longer be using the physical P.O. box door to get your letters, magazines and small packages.”
Translation, if your mailbox number falls within that range, then you are the product of an ETSU Postal Service guinea pig.
Yes, it’s shocking I know. For someone to strip your God-given, American right to a physical P.O. box. You can bet your left kidney that my main man and the first American Postmaster General Ben Franklin wouldn’t stand for this act of postal treason. Why, he’d call to order a 3rd Continental Congress and straighten out every man who put on a USPS uniform.
According to the student worker, whom I immediately questioned as to the whereabouts of my personal box, they said, “Sir, we are proud to announce the use of these new Intelligent MailBoxes.” Well, they may be proud, but I certainly am not, and I never had the slightest problem with my ignorant mailbox.
You see friends, it’s the principle of the matter. If I pay thousands upon thousands of dollars to go to school here, I want to get the full benefits of my payments. It seems as time goes on, these benefits are shrinking away.
It started last semester with Public Safety. They revoked our rights to a free tire air up because they lost their compressor and didn’t want to buy a new one. Now Postal Services has taken away our personal mailboxes and forces us to share with Lord knows how many students so they can cut costs.
While this is only affecting student boxes 21401 through 23320, you can bet your remaining right kidney that the rest of the student body will lose their mailboxes as soon as they can outsource the labor to install some more “Intelligent Mailboxes.”
If we don’t stand up to this assault on property, who knows what will be next? They’ll probably take away our chairs in the classrooms and replace them with “Intelligent Chairs.” You’ll probably have to swipe your ID before you can sit down.