College is a time like no other. It is your greatest chance to broaden your horizons through a liberal arts education. It is a time to grow and prosper, and meet new people from all walks of life.
A good college education is supposed to be adequate preparation for encountering the perils of the real world.
Before you go out into that big wide world out there and have at it, why not be the best student you can be while you are still in school?
Much of becoming the best student you can be lies in convincing everyone you know that you are one to be taken seriously. If only people could see past your dead sexy exterior and uncover the real scholarly, studious you.
Alas, you must make them open their eyes. That is precisely where snappy looking ensembles come in handy. Put on your most capable looking outfit, and viola!
Professors will always call on you if the rest of the class is oblivious to what is going on, and your peers will start paying you to write their term papers.
Consider becomingness when choosing an ensemble that is to get you across campus, through note-taking and long classes.
Classic footwear like loafers and Doc Maartens are sure to make people take you seriously. Avoid chunky prostitute boots and instead opt for some Converse All-Stars in a neutral hue.
Don’t dress to kill, dress to learn. Score extra points by wearing blazers, berets and Birken-stock clogs.
Turtlenecks don’t make you look too dumb either. You’d be surprised how much more eager to learn you can look in a turtleneck.
Try this little experiment. Stand in front of the mirror with the classic long sleeved neck-hugging top on. Observe how mature and educated you look. Then try with no turtleneck and notice how pathetic you have become in just those few seconds. Turtleneck. No turtleneck. Tur-tleneck. No turtleneck. Turtleneck … Yeaah buddy!
Sit in the front of the classroom really close to the professor. It’s only natural that for the rest of the semester you be “thisclose” to your instructor after so politely introducing yourself on the first day of class as one that is “very happy to be here and ecstatic about the bounty of material to be covered.”
How you carry your precious cargo of books brimming with interesting facts and exquisite knowledge says much about what sort of student you are. To be the best student you can be, invest in a leather briefcase, leather satchel, fancy schmancy portfolio or rolling backpack. One warning however: though these accessories may make one feel “too cool for school,” they may also bring physical harm one’s way.
After class, while pulling your rolling backpack across a jagged sidewalk you may overhear some of your biology lab mates say to one another, “Hey, let’s beat (your name here) up after class!”
“Yeah! I’ll kick em’ in the ribs!” You may get beat up after class, but you’ll get bloodied up with school in your heart. You will be a Grade A student getting beaten to a pulp, all the while fierce and tenacious.
Those with well-developed brains oftentimes pay little or no attention to their physical appearances besides their snappy looking ensembles. Really, really smart people don’t use lip balm and moisturizing lotion and consequently are a tad bit unkempt and disheveled at times. Long hours at the library, independent film theatres and museums of natural science leave the intelligent college student little time to keep up with dry cracking lips and hands. So ditch the Burt’s Bees and Lubriderm — you have no time to be lookin’ moisturized Einstein.
Invest in a sturdy copy of “Merriam-Webster’s Vocabulary Builder.” You may find that there are only a handful of your peers who gives a rat’s (bleep) about the Greek and Latin sources of most words in the English language. But hey, with all the new words added to your permanent-working vocabulary, you’ll be totally hot at parties.
Achieve true mental clarity and alertness through minty oral fixations such as Altoids and Tic Tacs. It has been scientifically proven that the peppermint oil found in many breath fresheners can make you more mentally alert when your sloppy, groggy and just more prone to being a bad student. So, pop a couple of Altoids, Icebreaker mints or pieces of Orbit gum before class, a presentation or really important exam and be the best student you can be.
Thou grades wilst drop if thou fool around with the likes of good-looking co-eds, alcoholic beverages and mind-altering drugs. Say no to bosoms, tight butts, flashy smiles, margaritas and marijuana.
These things are only lustful figments of your perfectly normal college-age imagination. Lust is bad. Scrabble is good.
Being a good student can be extremely rewarding and life fulfilling. Heed these tips, stay on the right track and give the beginning of the spring semester a good kick in the rump. You’ll be well on your way to showing everyone who’s boss smartie-pants.

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