Dear Answer Girl,
I am interested in doing some community service. Are there any organizations that do service on campus?
Wannabe Volunteer Well, this seems like a rather blatant opportunity for me to plug those service organizations that are the best known on this campus. However, since those groups are obviously already in the public eye, so to speak, wouldn’t it be more productive for me to dig through the piles of student organizations to find a few obscure groups to promote? Probably not.
But, for your information, I have diligently gathered the important information for four relatively unknown service groups on campus. Here they are, for your consideration.
1. Delta Sigma Gamma Theta Mu Pi Omicron. This surprisingly diverse group of students collects random fabric scraps from local businesses and area residents to stitch on the front, sides and back of their so-called letter shirts. After the shirts are completed, they are donated to Goodwill stores for general shopping amusement and to help support the thrift store industry.
If you are interested in joining or have random fabric lying around in your house or dorm room to donate, visit etsufabricforcharityfromlettershirts.org for details.
2. ETSU Squirrel Support. Do you feel strangely connected to our campus’s plague of squirrels? Does your heart jump with fear when an innocent squirrel-citizen dashes blindly into traffic?
If you care deeply for our furry, squirrel-shaped friends, then ETSU Squirrel Support is just the group for you.
These devoted students donate their time redistributing acorns found naturally under oak trees to relatively barren plots beneath other, non-nut-bearing plants.
They also develop annual campus traffic schemes for increased squirrel safety and routinely lobby for squirrel crossing zones at high-traffic intersections and roads.
Look for this caring group combing the nearby tree streets for loose nuts and homeless squirrels on the third Saturday of every month.
3. Imitation Sports Fans. This dedicated group has a consistent membership of about 30, but has been known to fluctuate between 200 and about four. You’ll find the proud members of this organization primarily at home sports events.
Not to be confused with the SCUBS, who actually have ETSU team spirit, the ISFs, as they are known in casual circles, have absolutely no interest in the outcome of ETSU athletic events. They merely donate their time to attend games and fill seats, thus enhancing the public image of our university.
They are easily spottable, as they wear no team apparel and do little else but chat with each other during the first half of every event they attend.
Another key indicator that you have spotted a section of our campus ISFs is their blatant absence during the second half.
Even if sport watching isn’t you thing, think about joining our local chapter of the ISFs; it looks great on a resume.
4. Dome Writers of ETSU. Ever wonder what, if anything, is on top of the Mini-Dome? Well now the mystery is solved.
A local gaggle of ETSU hang-gliding enthusiasts takes monthly trips to the dome’s summit to paint a new inspirational/social activist message in the spirit of the ever-changing sign at Pal’s.
All interested individuals are welcome, but owning most of your own equipment is essential if you want a spot on the flight crew (paint, brushes and specially designed paint-and-brush-holding-harnesses are provided to members at every event).
Ground crew members and message inventors are also needed. If you are interested, you’re sure to find a couple of members at the glide shop on West Walnut Street pretty much any time during the day.
This month’s current message, viewable from helicopter, airplane and hang-glider, of course: “Honk if you’d like to park here.

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