What do rabbits, dogs, cats and mice have to do with your shampoo?
Well, a logical answer would be, “nothing.”
Who washes their companion animals with Clairol? No one I know, that’s for sure.
Regardless of common sense, there are thousands of innocent animals, just like Fluffy and Petunia, tortured and killed in laboratories daily in order to make sure that your primping products don’t cause you discomfort.
Now, anyone who reads this column should know that I’m not usually one to be preachy. I don’t particularly enjoy being preached to myself, so I figure, why be hypocritical?
However, I have decided that I needed to write about animal testing because it’s disgusting, worthless and downright evil.
I just became aware that this week, April 19-25, is World Week for Animals in Laboratories and figured now’s as good a time as any to out the disturbing truth about vivisection.
Vivisection, for anyone who is unclear of the definition, is the experimentation on living animals.
In layman terms, that basically means strapping some furry being to a table and injecting it with chemicals to see the reaction.
Often in medical experiments, this means removing body parts – even the tops of skulls – without anesthesia and recording the animal’s reactions.
While some tests are legally required, such as those for drugs used in the treatment of serious illnesses, many are not.
Many tests are cruel and senseless and have absolutely no scientific merit.
But, I’m not planning on writing about medical testing; this article is purely about the antics that go on behind the doors of companies dedicated to self-beautification.
Boys and girls, how often to you smear your eyes with mascara? And, I don’t mean just accidentally stabbing yourself with the wand. I’m talking literally slather it on your eyeball.
I would hope not very often, but that’s what many cosmetic companies must think we do to justify the tests they perform.
In one popular cosmetic test, rabbits and other companion type animals are placed in securing devices such as head vices and boxes with holes for the heads. Then, their eyes are smeared with substances used in makeup and other products like shampoo, soap and sunscreen.
This is to see what ill effects will come to the eyes if subjected to mass amounts of the product.
To see what ill effects will happen to a human who drips shampoo in his or her eye, companies torture hundreds of animals daily?
Sure, I can see how that makes sense. Except … it doesn’t.
I’m not a rabbit and I’m not so sure why companies feel they should equate me to one in safety tests.
Not only do companies harm creatures that can’t decline participation in these tests, they kill every last one when they’re finished with them.
Yep, thousands of animals are slaughtered yearly just so you can feel safe from burning eyes when you’re washing your hair.
The tests are not only gruesome, they’re worthless. There are plenty of companies out there that don’t condone the use of animals when testing their goods, and they don’t seem to be getting sued by blinded consumers.
I’ve been using cruelty-free everything for as long as I can remember and I’ve never lost a body part because a product I used was not testing on a living, breathing being.
In fact, not only do I have shiny hair, clean teeth and soft skin, but I can also say I have a clear conscience.
How many of you can honestly say the same?
If you can’t, well that’s what Paul Mitchell is for – and Clinique, Revlon, Victoria’s Secret and, of course, Vegan Erotica for those of you who like a little extra in the bedroom without causing suffering to animals other than your partner.
Really, that’s only a tiny number of cruelty-free companies. If you want a product, I can guarantee there’s a cruelty-free company that makes it. Everything from body wash to body lotion to body paint can be found without animal additives or animal testing.
I’m sure it’s obvious to anyone who knows me that I’m a big animal lover and I naturally sway toward things that don’t cause harm to them.
I look at my cat, Ishmael, and am sick to think that it could be him in one of those head vices. I can’t image the pain and suffering those creatures endure just so people can think they look better, which is a big reason why I don’t like many people.
I personally would rather go bare-faced for the rest of my life than slather on foundation that caused the demise of even one animal, not to mention its numerous comrades.
Sadly, too many people are too ignorant, or just too buttholish, to bother checking the back of packaging.
Granted, not all companies state their cruelty-free status on their packaging, but that’s what PETA is for. This article is not saying, “Rah-rah PETA,” but it is giving them props where props are due. They not only spend thousands of hours a week getting onto companies that do test on animals, but they also have an entire web site (www.stopanimaltests.com) dedicated to informing the public about animal testing.
PETA has lists of companies that do and don’t test on animals, as well as a ridiculous amount of information on vivisection itself.
I’m sure there are other web sites that do the same, but PETA happens to be the one where I get my info. They even sent me this nice little pocket shopping guide with names of good and bad companies so when I need to restock my “make Randi pretty drawer,” I can do it without feeling like a booger.
I suggest anyone out there inspecting their products for the phrase “this product not tested on animals,” invest in one because some companies are tricky.
Herbal Essence says it doesn’t test on animals, but Clairol, the parent company of Herbal Essence, does.
Almay doesn’t test on animals, but you won’t know it by reading the makeup packages
I know it’s complicated, but that’s how it is sometimes.
If you want, you can even be high-class and cruelty-free.
All you need is a big bottle of Chanel No. 5 and an outfit by Stella McCartney – not that I suggest you spend thousands of dollars on stuff when you can spend a great deal less.
Most cruelty-free goods will cost you the same or less than products tested on animals, depending, of course, on the product.
I’m not saying it’s a cinch to find everything made without the use of animal testing because sometimes it’s not easy being cruelty-free.
Sometimes it can really be a pain in the ass to find stuff, but when you can look at pictures of rabbits with no eyes and know it’s not your fault, it’s worth it.
Trust me on that one.

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