When I was in the sixth grade, a boy slammed me four times into the lockers on my way to English class. No one else was in the hallway. I was fighting tears and barely able to speak, but I managed to tell him, “Stop it.” He grinned, called me a three-letter word, and he walked away.
In my “Teen Living” class in the seventh grade, we were assigned one day to choose a career. I had dreams of being an Egyptologist.
When it was my turn to share my ideal career, the teacher asked me, “What do you like, Sam?”
My heart was already beating rapidly from my fear of public speaking. A classmate answered, “Sam likes boys.” I pretended I didn’t hear him, and the teacher had to yell to silence the laughter so I could show everyone what my name looked like in hieroglyphics.
I don’t know when exactly I knew I was different, but I know what it is like to want to die. The pain from bullying makes the loneliness of adolescence feel like a confirmation that something inside – something I consider beautiful – is “unnatural” or “wrong.”
Through such loneliness, teens and preteens conjure the notion that suicide is the answer.
In the past five weeks, there has been a devastating prevalence of gay youths committing suicide: Raymond Chase, 19; Tyler Clementi, 18; Billy Lucas, 15; Seth Walsh, 13; and Asher Brown, 13.
It is in memory of them I feel unhinged anger when I hear hatred spew from the mouths of those who sound not unlike the bullies who followed and taunted Seth the day his mother found him hanging from a tree in their yard.
Boyd K. Packer, cited as the second highest leader of the Mormon Church, supported his statements that same-sex attraction is “impure and unnatural.”
His words were broadcast to millions. How many young students were listening?
As Packer continues to preach such sermons of prejudice, Seth Walsh’s family is wondering whether to make a place for him at the table during the holidays.
His grandmother Judy Walsh said, “I had no idea there was that much pain inside of him. He was a sweet kid who found the world cruel. But he didn’t understand cruelty.”
Packer understands cruelty. It is his motivation and he is not alone.
Carl Paladino, New York’s GOP candidate for governor, said that children shouldn’t be “brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is acceptable.”
A week prior to Paladino’s statements, two gay teenagers and a 30-year-old man were attacked by a gang.
No, Mr. Paladino, children shouldn’t be brainwashed into thinking being gay is acceptable. They should instead be brainwashed into forming gangs and assaulting those who are different.
I am baffled by the notion that an individual’s preference in love gives others a right to challenge and attack.
I’m baffled the same way as Alice Paul when men asked her why a woman would ever want to vote. I’m baffled the same way as the North when the Dred-Scott Decision was passed, declaring that no African-American could claim U.S. citizenship.
Now women vote and the current president is African-American. This is because revolutions are unstoppable.
From attention-starved bullies in the classroom to pick-and-choose fundamentalists, there is always the party that represents stupidity and ignorance and opposes positive change; they always lose … eventually.
We are forces of nature. We thrive on love. This is especially true of children.
Their classmates call them queer. Outside the classroom, they hear politicians and pastors and their own parents say homosexuality is unnatural.
There grows the illusion of inescapability, the demand that gay youths surrender their identity in order to coincide with someone’s upbringing, religion or world view.
To the bullies: You can help resolve world hunger. You can cure disease.
You can end war. You can grow up. You can never transform love. To those who feel alone, who are bullied, and who are considering suicide: Do not surrender.
As I live and breathe, you are not alone. There is a community where you belong, where you are celebrated and where you are missed when you’re not around.
Your family is lucky to have you. Your friends don’t deserve you if they sit quietly and let people tear you down. You are unique.
If someone tells you that some deity hates you, hear me when I say I love you. If someone’s beliefs have them convinced you’re “unnatural,” try to keep in mind that you are more than a belief and that you are no more unnatural than the pulse in your veins.
You and your desire to love are real. You are not a phase, a disorder, or a disappointment.
You share the world with strangers and soul mates, with mystery and possibility. You are my family.
My ultimate hope is that you can recognize the day when your heart and mind are in accord, when you feel the thrill that you are alive and extraordinary. You deserve it.
Raymond, Tyler, Billy, Seth, Asher and countless others are no longer with us. They did not believe their lives would get better or that they would someday find the happiness they deserved.
I hope you believe me when I say it gets better. The seventh-grader who wanted to be an Egyptologist does like boys after all.
The sixth-grader who was shoved into the lockers has lived to write about it and is pleased as punch to be able to offer help to those who need it.
E-mail me at zsss44@goldmail.etsu.edu. Most importantly, stay true to yourself and you will be stronger every day.
Dr. Seuss said it best: Kid, you’ll move mountains!
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