Dear Editor,
Are you pro-big government? Do you wish to see the moon exploded and replaced by a giant Microsoft symbol? Is it agony to walk by virgin grass untainted by mein führer Ron Paul’s picture?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any or none of these questions, then vote Ron Paul. He’s systematically exterminating not only a large portion of endangered species via his (literally) viral campaign, but also single-handedly starving me of sympathy for his abysmal performance in the primaries.
Alas, there is a silver lining to the black specter of Paul’s litter campaign. I haven’t had to buy toilet paper since his campaign began. Vote Ron Paul!
– Benjamin Hughes

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