Q: I really like this girl and after spending a while with her I think she’s the one. Problem is I’m 18 and she’s 16. What do I do? Is dating her even legal? – Hopelessly Underage
A: Rest easy, it is perfectly legal for you to date your girlfriend, even though she is technically “underage.” Police officers aren’t going to break your door down in the middle of the night and arrest you for pedophilia.
Socially, a difference of two years of age can be a pretty big gap between teenagers, especially when one is 18 and probably in college and the other partner is still in high school. Teenagers typically do a lot of growing up in the transition between high school and college.
The biggest challenge you face with your girlfriend may not be the age gap so much as the differences in your maturity levels. One of the finer points of a good relationship is having lots of things in common to fill your phone conversations and breaks in smooching, and you and your girlfriend may find your conversations falling flat when you can no longer discuss the fight that broke out in D-hall or how Jenny told Kevin that Kelly said that David was going to break up with Brittany.
I don’t think I need to tell you that the worlds of college and high school are completely different, and that, if anything, the education gap will do more to drive a wedge between you and your girlfriend than the age gap. I’m not saying it won’t work, but you’re going to have to try harder to stay close and connected with your girlfriend. Find activities you can pursue together outside of school to keep some common ground like watching movies or playing a sport together. Go to Fun Expedition. Be creative.
As for the legality of your relationship, you don’t have too much to worry about. According to www.tennessee.gov and several major Tennessee law firms, Tennessee’s statutory rape laws indicate that an adult can be charged with statutory rape if there is an age difference of four or more years between the adult and the minor involved.
These laws are formulated using what is often called the “age of consent,” the age at which a person can be considered responsible for his/her decisions about what types of sexual acts in which to participate. The “age of consent” is not specifically enumerated in the laws, but it is the unofficial standard by which sexual conduct laws with regard to minors are designed.
If you are thinking of marrying her (at least that’s what it sounds like when you say you “think she’s the one”), then you would need her parents’ permission if she is not yet a legal adult. If that’s what you were thinking, I implore you to rethink it: getting married at such a young age doesn’t seem like a smart move for either of you. Give it a couple of years. You’ve got plenty of time later to make such life-altering decisions.
So here’s the final verdict: it is not illegal for you to date your girlfriend. The only problem that will arise (no pun intended, I swear) if you have sex with her. In that case it is only technically illegal, since you are a legal adult and she is still a minor. My advice is this: you can continue to date your girlfriend as long as you want, but it would behoove both you and your girlfriend to forego the hanky-panky until she is a legal adult.
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