As a recent ETSU graduate, I’ve learned that life at ETSU, though often changing in new and (sometimes) exciting ways, is also often very predictable. Four years of experience have taught me a few things about my good old alma mater, and I would like to share a few of them with you. I humbly offer a few predictions for fall semester 2007. Incoming freshman, take note. You can call me at law school this fall and let me know if I am right.
#1 The carillon (clock bell tower thingy) will continue to be annoying. It will play John Denver, church hymns, and the hokey-pokey during serious lectures, stressful exams, and when you’re trying to sleep through class at 9 a.m. And it will play them . all . very . slowly . and … out . of . tune.
#2 Someone will start an argument about football again. Trust someone to keep kicking that dead horse. Nevermind that ETSU never should have gotten rid of football in the first place, but it’s too late for that now. Take these words of advice: if students have to pay exorbitant sums for football, it will never return to ETSU. Just let it go.
#3 At least 20 people will write letters to the editor about gay marriage or abortion or any other of a number of hot-button religious issues. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that religious people don’t deserve as much freedom of speech as everyone else, but you can trust several ETSU students or community members each semester to write letters to the editor condemning various lifestyle choices. Watch for them, read them, then write a letter back if you feel so inclined. Everyone will appreciate the drama.
#4 Parking spaces will keep disappearing and enrollment will keep increasing. Thanks to the Tennessee Hope (lottery) Scholarship, thousands more students will flood the hallowed halls of ETSU, bringing with them more automobiles that unfortunately have to be stored somewhere while their owners are off learning (and who knows what else). Conversely, ETSU will keep eliminating more parking spaces by either blocking off perfectly good spaces, reassigning spaces from student to anyone-but-student parking, or building another bell tower.
#5 The spring concert will continue to host performers who are well past their prime. Whether its SGA’s fault or just problems with scheduling, students will vote for more popular performers and will always get someone from the bottom of the list. Everclear, Ludacris, Goo Goo Dolls, Dierks Bentley, and David Spade – need I say more?
#6 Apathy will continue to be the favorite pastime of most ETSU students, second only to a tie between eating ramen and “clubbin’.” It’s sad but true, fellow ETSU students. This is where you come into the picture. Instead of spending your days checking Facebook and then going out to PR’s, try to be a more educated individual. It’s what you’re in college for, after all. I’m not saying you should spend your entire college career with your nose stuck in a book, but it doesn’t hurt to pop into the library every once in awhile just to see what they’ve got.
#7 Despite mass apathy, a few people will make a difference. Don’t be one of those people who find themselves at the end of a four (or more) year college career having made no contributions to their own development or to the world. Join a student organization, take on some outside research, read “War and Peace.” Just start now.
It’s never too early to start making a difference. Embrace every opportunity at ETSU (and everywhere else) that comes your way, and search out the ones that don’t. Good luck with all your college endeavors.
And let me know if I was right.

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