Wow. I thought writing a story about students and their New Year’s resolutions would be a good idea.
Sure, in theory, it sounds great. Walk around, flash a friendly smile and politely ask my fellow Bucs to divulge their New Year’s goals. They’d have a good-natured laugh and quickly comply – filling my little notepad with virtually hundreds of quotes. The story would let everyone know what their friends and classmates were planning to do with their lives this year. That would be a good story for the Lifestyles section, eh?
However, in practice, “good ideas” hardly ever play out as imagined. I’ll take this opportunity to demonstrate.
“Hello! My name is Josh McKinney, and I’m a writer for the East Tennessean. I’m doing a story on New Year’s resolutions and I was wondering if you had made any.”
Blank stare. I smile uncomfortably, unsure of what’s going to happen next. For some reason, this situation has gone from casually cordial to awfully awkward.
“Um … I didn’t make any this year. Sorry.”
I’m not so easily discouraged, so I go on to the next person. Sadly, I receive roughly the same response. In fact, when I finally decide to give up, my little notepad is filled with “virtually” two resolutions. Dos. Three minus one.
“To actually study, bring up my GPA and eat healthy,” says Jeff Fyke, freshman.
“To do sit-ups every morning and every night,” says Stephen Hendrix, first year grad student.
See, the story was actually interesting for the span of about three seconds! It’s fun to read about people you may or may not know because you know that what they’re saying isn’t fake – it’s really their thoughts and goals and not something made up to entice your ears.
So I guess you see my dilemma. I’m about 500 words short of an article and I’ve already exhausted the main idea of my story.
I suppose I could tell you my New Year’s resolution, though I doubt you will be interested. From this point forward, whenever I’m out with my buddies, I’m going to refrain from calling prospective female companions as “hot chicks,” and begin referring to them as “attractive young ladies.” An admirable goal, I know.
I could walk away on that comment, but I’m going to stubbornly hang for a little while longer. Soon after I quit asking folks what their resolutions were, I got mad at the world and said to myself, “Who came up with the stupid idea of New Year’s resolutions, anyway?”
And that, my friends, is a good question and the savior of this story. Who did come up with the idea of New Year’s resolutions? (At this point, you should be speaking the question aloud – go ahead, don’t worry about people looking at you strangely. They’re just jealous because they’re not reading such a cool article.)
Since I knew you’d want to know the answer, I did a little research.
A long time ago in a tiny European nation (not Belgium), there lived a very wealthy man. He was an important fellow and well-respected in his community. However, he was not only blessed with wealth and stature, but with a beautiful daughter as well.
Since this man was so wealthy, he owned a lot of land and cattle and chickens and horses. Every inch of his property was cared for by servants, and although he paid them well, he had little to do with them socially. He was, of course, an important fellow and could not dirty himself with the common folk.
The wealthy man lived in a huge mansion that sat on the center of his property, and high in the sky on the very top floor was his beautiful daughter’s room. The room had a balcony and every night, she would step outside and sing to the stars, hoping that someday she’d hear the voice of her true love sing back to her.
On one of these enchanting nights, while the daughter stood singing dazedly to the stars, a strong tenor voice came ringing through the darkness. She looked down and saw a handsome young man staring love struck back up at her.
Immediately, she snuck downstairs and met him, falling in love with him as soon as he told her his name.
Over the months, the two fell even more deeply in love, until finally their hearts seemed to beat in rhythm together.
Yet there was one problem – the young man was the son of a servant, and therefore unfit in the eyes of the daughter’s wealthy and important father. He quickly put an end to their relationship and confined the young girl to her room at the top of the mansion.
On the eve of the New Year, the beautiful young lady stood on her balcony mournfully singing her song. Out of the sad darkness came the strong tenor voice, and when she looked down, there was her love.
In the passion of the moment, the young man called out to her and told her to jump and he’d catch her, and they would run away together. The young girl didn’t hesitate and leapt from the balcony, needing desperately to be in her lover’s arms.
Of course, the balcony was easily 50 feet from the ground and the wind was blowing on top of the blinding darkness. The young man missed and the beautiful girl splattered like fruit hitting the ground.
I bet you’re saying, “What in the world does this have to do with New Year’s resolutions?” Right? Well, the young man ran away and lived in exile, alone for the rest of his life. But on that New Year’s Day, he made a promise, a resolution, that if ever a young woman would give him her heart again, he would always be there for her, love her more fiercely than life and catch her if ever she fell.
Boy, that’s a tear-jerker. An amazing story. Now you know why we make New Year’s resolutions.Actually, you don’t. I made that story up. Yep, I lied like a dishonest lawyer.
The actual origin of New Year’s resolutions stated with the Babylonians or something. But, as you can see, I’m no longer 500 words short of an article. (I’ve also made a resolution not to lie anymore, even though I’m really good at it.)
Um, so … Happy New Year! And good luck with those resolutions!
(Also, for all you hot chicks out there who are wondering, I really am as romantic in real life as I am in my stories. Er, I mean – um – “attractive young ladies”… oh, darn!)

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