Dear Answer Girl,
What’s up with the weather? Will it ever snow?
-Nosnow WhiteAlthough I haven’t been put in charge of the weather yet, I do have some pretty important contacts with the Farmer’s Almanac, so here’s what I’m allowed to tell you. Our present location, Northeast Tennessee, is ever so conveniently located right at the junction of not one, not two, not three, but four of the Almanac’s regions.
Tennessee is depicted as being fully within the “deep south” region, along with such states as Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas and Louisiana. According to our “deep south” affiliation, temperatures will be colder than normal this month.
Mysteriously, however, January and February will be the “rainiest,” but there is no mention of a “snowiest.” Go figure. Our best hope for snow is late January, says Farmers.
The forecasts for the other three regions that we border say the following:
1. There will be less snow than usual, and it will be two to seven degrees colder than normal.
2. There will be less snow than usual, except in the southern part of the region where there may be more, depending on the way the chicken gets out of bed.
3. There will be more snow than usual and it will be colder than usual. Actually, it will likely blizzard every day from February til July.
Please note the disclaimer: “It is obvious that neither we nor anyone else has as yet gained sufficient insight into the mysteries of the universe to predict weather long-range with anything resembling total accuracy.”

In other words, “If we’re right, great. If not, it’s because the universe is unpredictable and mysterious, and we never claimed to be perfect.”
I’m thinking about hijacking this disclaimer, as I feel that with a small amount of adjustment, it will fit quite nicely into almost every one of my columns.
By the way, in Johnson City exactly one year ago (Jan. 22, 2003), the average temperature for the day was 28 degrees. It didn’t snow. It also didn’t hail, rain, thunder, lightning, fog, earthquake, tornado, typhoon, tsunami or hurricane.
The forecast for today includes a high of 42 degrees, low of 17 degrees and a cute depiction of some rather large snowflakes falling from a single puffy cloud. This could only mean one thing: blizzard season has finally begun.
Oh, and another note: The high tides today at Ashepoo River in Ashepoo, S.C., are at 12:40 p.m. and 12:54 a.m. Keep that in mind if you’re planning a day trip.
Last thing: Now is the season to plant your parsnips, radishes and turnips. Since these bear vegetables below the ground, they should be planted on days in which the moon is dark (after full and before new).
Today is right on time for tantalizing turnips, but you’ve missed this year’s perfect parsnip planting dates and you’re a bit early for ravishing radishes. It’s cold outside (colder than normal, actually) – wear gloves.
Check out www.almanac.com to get a customizable forecast for temperature, tides, sun times and more.

Got a question for the Answer Girl? Send her an e-mail to ETSUAnswerGirl@hotmail.com and look for the answer in a future issue of the East Tennessean.

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