Over the weekend conservatives from all over the nation met in Washington, D.C., at the Conservative Political Action Conference, or CPAC.
It is only fitting that these conservatives flocked to the Ronald Reagan Building, which finely represents Reagan’s belief in fiscal conservatism by being one of the most expensive federal buildings ever built. I’m sure Reagan would be proud of the 10 years and $2 billion it cost to build the building bearing his name.
The conference, which featured Dick Cheney as its keynote speaker (just to ensure that there is no coordination with the White House), also featured such honest and unbiased speakers as Pat Buchanan and Ann Coulter.
Republicans, reminding us that they have the highest regard for a person’s private life, just like they did with President Clinton’s, were outraged about the liberals’ attack on Jeff Gannon.
If you are unaware of whom Jeff Gannon is because of the oppressive coverage he has received in the ultra left-wing liberal media, I’ll give you a brief summary.
Jeff Gannon, whose real name is James Guckert, has been a member of the White House press corps for nearly two years, and was actually called upon to ask President Bush a question in his most recent press conference.
Many conservatives believe that liberals are going after Gannon because he’s conservative. After all, his news “articles” are little more than a direct copy and paste job from White House press releases and he asks the press secretary questions like, “How can you work with Democrats, since they’re obviously evil anti-American traitors?”
However, there is more of a reason to criticize Gannon than that. The first major issue is how someone using a fake name was able to gain access to the White House. Nice security there, guys.
Second, Gannon doesn’t have a journalism degree from an accredited university, and the “news organization” he worked for was created after Gannon had already started appearing at White House press conferences.
On top of this, Gannon, who has written several anti-gay articles, is reported to have been a male escort himself. And this isn’t just a rumor – there are cached copies of web sites and photos illustrating this point.
But as I said, the conservatives at the CPAC conference think that personally attacking someone because of their private sex life is out of bounds and totally unacceptable.
However, minor issues like how a non-journalist working for a fake news organization using a fake name got access to the White House is something we shouldn’t be concerned with.
The CPAC conference has also been an invaluable source of clarification of what is really going on in Iraq. Despite 100,000 Iraqis being killed and a large portion of the nation still being out of essential services like power or water, the people of Iraq are doing fantastic according to CPAC speakers.
One of the most amazing declarations was made by Congressman Chris Cox of California, who said, “America’s Operation Iraqi Freedom is still producing shock and awe” among liberals, and that “we continue to discover biological and chemical weapons and facilities to make them inside Iraq.”
Umm, really?
So despite every report made by every group to ever scour Iraq saying that Iraq didn’t have WMDs, including the White House’s own admission that Iraq did not have weapons of mass destruction, the truth has been revealed. Iraq does have WMDs, according to Republicans’ ultra-secret yet always reliable sources of information.
The confirmation of this claim must be seen as absolute truth since Vice President Cheney was standing right next to him, and never said anything to contradict Congressman Cox’s claims.
So, if you haven’t gotten it yet, apparently Republicans think that Iraq both doesn’t have and does have WMDs at the same time.
Amazing how this world can work.
Oh, but this isn’t the end of conservatives’ showcase of the truth.
One speaker at the CPAC conference said of one blogger, and by connection many liberals, “He hates America. He hates apple pie. He even hates his own mother.”
Well shoot, last time I ate apple pie I must have forgotten about this, and I accidentally enjoyed it by mistake.
Also, I better let my mother know that I hate her. It will come as much of a shock to her as it does to me.
And we are obviously anti-American since we even have thoughts of disagreeing with Bush on anything.
There you have it, a brief recap of this weekend’s CPAC conference, flowing with truth, honesty and dignity.

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