Q: I don’t know what to get my girlfriend for Christmas! You’re a girl . tell me what to get her.
Bewildered in Burleson (yes, I am writing this during class)A: I’m afraid there is no easy answer to this one, but I do have some good news and some bad news. You want the good news first? I’m sure she will love almost anything you get her (unless you buy her something completely devoid of emotion and forethought, like a toaster).
Now for the bad news: what you get her will, whether you intend it to or not, send her a message about what she thinks you think about your relationship.
Confused? So am I (and I’m a girl!). But the ugly truth of the matter is that we girls tend to read “hidden messages” into almost everything you do – the way you talk to us on the phone, the length of your goodnight kiss, and (most importantly) the gifts you give us on major holidays like Christmas and 6-month anniversaries. To us, gifts are symbols of how you feel about our relationship, so choose wisely.
Believe it or not, girls can get a little nervous, too, if you give them a gift that seems more befitting of a longer, closer relationship.
For instance, if you give your girl an expensive piece of jewelry after dating for only a few weeks, she will probably be very nervous. While you might think your purchase doesn’t mean anything sinister and only shows how much you like her, she will think that either a) you are trying to buy her affection with expensive jewelry that has no real meaning behind it, b) you are far too serious about the relationship that early in the game, or c) you are just trying to get into her pants.
With that said, now let’s tackle the question of what to buy your girlfriend for Christmas. While I don’t know the specifics of your relationship, I think I can provide you with a few guidelines to help you send the right message to your girlfriend and give her something she useful that she will treasure for at least a while.
If you haven’t been dating for very long (i.e. Phase 1), it’s best to get her something thoughtful yet non-committal. Buy her something “cool” (i.e. that she will probably use often) that also shows you know her tastes and wanted to get her something she really wanted. Go with her to stores she likes and listen to what she says.
Maybe she really likes that pair of shoes or she’s been dying to get an iPod shuffle (the “real” iPod is probably a Phase 2 gift).
It’s probably best not to splurge on a gift for a relatively new relationship, for the aforementioned reasons and because you don’t want to regret dropping a lot of cash on someone who dumped you a month later.
If you have been dating for a decent amount of time (this is, of course, all relative depending on the actual length of time you have been dating, how close you think you are, and the likelihood of the two of you staying together for awhile longer), get her something thoughtful that still doesn’t say “forever.” This is a Phase 2 gift.
This is the part where you can get her something a bit extravagant and know that she is getting you something equally semi-extravagant in return.
Jewelry is acceptable at this stage (not “the ring”). A necklace or bracelet will tell her that you value her and, since she is probably feeling the same way, will not make either of you feel awkward. Another acceptable gift would be an iPod with your names engraved on the back – cute, thoughtful, but far from an engagement ring.
If you were in Phase 3, I don’t think you would’ve written me. I will just skim over this gift-giving stage. This is where you are pretty sure you are going to marry the other person and you get her expensive “long-term” things like fine china or an engagement ring. You do not need to worry about this type of gift for a long time, so forget I even mentioned it.
Most of all, just rely on how you feel about your girlfriend to tell you what to get her. Don’t sweat it too much, and remember that, if you make a colossal mistake, Valentine’s Day isn’t that far away.
Send your questions to et_enchilada@yahoo.com.

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