Have you noticed the flickering lights? Are the AC units not able to keep up with the summer heat in your classroom?
It’s not global warming that’s putting a strain on the electrical grid; at least the rise in summer temperatures isn’t directly to blame.
Nor are the conflicts in the Middle East responsible for the latest drain on the power circuits. The oil flow may be chaotic, but all that does is jack up the price, a lucrative and perhaps not unforeseen side effect anticipated by the people who started those wars.
The origin of our current energy drain lies not overseas, but approximately 10 miles north of Washington, D.C., where the sprawling complex of the National Security Agency (NSA) makes it home.
The clandestine agency, until recently referred to as “No Such Agency,” was created to monitor and analyze foreign communications.
It is at the NSA where President George Bush, the Constitution and global warming all conflate to give rise to the nation’s growing energy crisis.
To understand America’s latest power shortage it is first necessary to understand that President Bush is breaking the law and violating the Constitution.
As mentioned previously, the NSA was created to spy on foreign governments. Safeguards were put in place to prevent that spying capability from being turned on its own citizens. Those safeguards were articulated in the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) of 1978.
FISA made it illegal to spy on Americans without a court order. President Bush has argued that he possesses “inherent power” to spy on American citizens and has been conducting warrantless wiretapping since 2002.
Here’s the problem. Apparently the domestic spying program has grown so massive that the NSA’s electricity usage is surpassing what can be supplied by the power companies.
According to NSA officials, “they will not be able to operate more than a month or two longer unless something is done.”
Luckily for us, someone did try to do something to prevent a meltdown. In August, U.S. District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor found the president’s spying program unconstitutional, rebuking the president for claiming he had the “inherent power” (hint: spoiled upbringing) to violate the Constitution.
“There are no hereditary kings in America and no powers not created by the Constitution . all ‘inherent powers’ must derive from that Constitution,” Taylor said in her decision.
White House Press Secretary Tony Snow was quick to denounce the ruling, claiming that illegal wire-tapping was necessary to keep the president informed, a plausible defense considering our president does not (or cannot) read the newspapers.
Unfortunately for us, the case was immediately appealed and the domestic spying continues to suck the power grids dry in an effort to track our phone calls, e-mails and Internet searches.
NSA officials are desperate to maintain that effort, especially during the hot summer months as temperatures creep past 100 degrees with increasing regularity. Here is where the global warming part comes in. The heat wave that struck the northeast this summer put additional strain on the system as overheated G-men cranked up the AC to try and keep cool.
To combat this warming trend, the NSA has implemented some energy-saving measures, including a shut down of all non-essential machinery and a raising of the thermostat by a couple of degrees. Those innovative measures will keep Bush’s war on terrorists like you and me going, at least until next summer’s heat wave.
So bear in mind, the next time you call your parents to wire you some money and the signal on your cell phone wavers momentarily, there’s probably a black suited G-man in an overheated office wiping away a bead of sweat as he carefully tracks the money trail of your college education.

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