It’s tough being a sex symbol. It’s even tougher coming up with ideas for prospective columns. (Yes, the first statement was an attention grabber.)
I am often asked how long it takes me to write a column. The dialogue usually goes something like this:
“So, how long does it take you to write a column?”
“Usually about half an hour. ”
“Then why does it take you like 10 hours or something to write one then?”
“I spend a lot of time thinking about that half hour.”
“And how does listening to Bon Jovi’s ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’ help you write a column?”
“Actually, I just like the names Tommy and Gina.”
This dialogue is usually followed by the person walking away, muttering something about how anybody can do that.
I then fall in step with them and explain that I think if you put your mind to something, you can do anything, including telling everyone they know to read my next column. It’s had mixed results so far.
But the first thing I have to do is come up with an idea. They say life experiences are the best things to write about, but it’s usually at this point that I realize how meaningless and boring my life really is.
I could try to write something really controversial, maybe something about the ending of the football program. But then I run into two problems: overkill and the Jayson Blair dilemma.
Overkill is what happens when you see the same subject being written about every week. Since this has happened with the topic of ending the football program, I risk plagiarizing a previously published story, resulting in the Jayson Blair dilemma.
However, I do think I will miss football – it will be incredibly hard trying to make articles about Title IX sports programs seem interesting.
Eventually, I settle on a topic and begin to write. The actual writing is fun to me, but by the time you read this, I will have already tried describing the process five times – trust me, it would not appear fun to you.
A side note: Sometimes I have to come up with random sentences to get my required word count (see the “Title IX sports” sentence).
One of the most important phases of article writing is when I give the new article to my focus group. The group usually consists of friends, coworkers and anyone I can browbeat into reading my article.
Although I don’t always agree with the findings of my focus group, they usually agree on what needs to stay in the piece and what needs to go. Please don’t inquire about joining the group. I don’t pay them.
Once I have this literary masterpiece completed, I try to come up with a title that adequately explains the overall meaning of the article. A good example for this piece would be “Much Ado About Nothing,” or maybe an over-hyped sweeps version: “Sex Symbol Denies Jayson Blair-like Accusations.” Despite my wonderfully witty interpretations, the task of “titling” is actually taken up by my editor.
When I e-mail the article to my editor, I am excited. And then I wait, and wait … and wait until publishing day when I rush to see what the article looks like in print.
I try and express just a casual interest as I walk up to the newsstand, rather than throwing prospective readers out of the way so that I can admire my published work. It’s a careful balance of restrain and release.
And that’s how it’s done.

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