Dear Answer Girl,
Have you heard that song “Milkshake?” The song is really popular, but what the hell does milkshake mean?
Yeah, I hear “Milkshake” when I go out to the club four nights a week. Wait, I mean I hear it four times when I go to the club on Thursday night.
Anyway, I completely understand your confusion. I was quite perplexed myself (believe it or not), but upon deeper thought, I realized that the key to the song’s true meaning lies in the phrase, “I could teach you, but I’d have to charge.”
See, if you consider these catchy verses, “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard … (blah blah)/ I could teach you, but I’d have to charge,” you’ll immediately get a clear mental picture of exactly what she is referring to.
Get it? No? OK.
Here’s what’s up: the girl has a milkshake stand (kind of like a lemonade stand) in her neighborhood. That’s what the “yard” part is all about.
And that is also what the “charge” part is about, too. See, she’d teach “you” or the “boys” her secret milkshake recipe (literally, milkshake, like milk, ice cream, etc.), but she’d have to charge.
The milkshake recipe is a family secret, kind of like Bush’s Baked Beans. Obviously that annoying Bush guy and his golden retriever on that commercial would charge you for their recipe.
So would Kelis, who sings this song.
Other clues: “The boys are waiting,” and later “just get the perfect blend.” The boys are waiting in line to buy a milkshake, obviously, and then Kelis is sort of sharing trade secrets without giving away the recipe when she suggests that the perfect mix of ingredients (“perfect blend”) is crucial.
The only negative thing about this song is that Kelis is pretty harsh when she claims, “D@#n right, it’s better than yours,” when she compares her time-tested, best-selling milkshake to yours, which is probably pretty new since you didn’t write the song. If you had a great milkshake already, you would have written the song about it first, after all.
So anyway, like I said, she’s kind of harsh. But then again, it’s all about advertising and intimidating your would-be competitors. She can’t have you setting up your little milkshake stand right across the yard, now can she? No ma’am. So she uses a little harshness to discourage you.
I think Kelis would like everyone to have the opportunity to sell milkshakes, but she just doesn’t want everyone selling them right next to her when she’s trying to make a buck, you know? I mean, geez, she’s just trying to get by in this life, and she’s obviously not good at anything except making milkshakes so give her a break, okay?
So anyway, thanks for the question – I always love a little musical analysis to put some vigor into my day.

Got a question for the Answer Girl? E-mail her at ETSUAnswerGirl@hotmail.com and look for your question in a future issue of the East Tennessean.

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