My bedroom wall is covered in shoe prints. No, I haven’t learned to walk up vertical surfaces, but I have learned how to throw a mean Chuck Taylor. Chuck Taylor is a shoe, not a new baseball term for anyone out there scratching his or her head.
The man who lives in the apartment behind my fianc and me likes to sing along with his radio late at night and it has become a customary reaction to throw shoes at the connecting wall to shut him up – or try to anyway.
He really likes his country and classic rock at 3 a.m. but I don’t.
It began a few months ago. At first, Chris (my fianc) and I just figured our new neighbor had had a little too much to drink that evening and everything would be peachy once he sobered up. Ah, naivet, thy name is Hope.
To make a long story short, neighbor-man still likes to sing late at night, in the wrong key, to bad music.
Now, I think it’s everyone’s right to listen to what they want, and to a degree, when they want. However, like many other rights, I think it stops when it infringes upon someone else’s rights.
Take for instance, my right to sleep in my own apartment without a pillow over my ears. I don’t pay what I pay to be kept up by some slob with nothing to do but sing karaoke in the middle of the night. It’s one thing to play “sing along” during the day, but when the sun goes down, put the cabaret dreams away.
This ever-so-tactless neighbor of mine got me thinking about what it is to be a good neighbor – at least in an apartment-type setting. Living in a house, I’m sure, is a whole other ball of wax.
So, I decided to write about the joys and pitfalls of living half-a-foot-of-cinderblock away from a complete stranger, and how to not make them want to kill you. And of course, how to contain one’s homicidal rages when push comes to shove and your neighbor’s a jackass.
First, I think it can be assumed from what I’ve written, it is important to not be loud late at night, and really during the day as well. It’s perfectly acceptable to run your vacuum or wash clothes at a decent hour, but it’s rather aggravating to be awakened by a garbage disposal in the wee hours of the morn.
This also goes for televisions, computers and certainly radios. Just because you think “I Will Survive” is the only way to get ready for bed doesn’t mean your neighbors agree.
Your roommate probably doesn’t even agree for that matter. There is a time and place for loud music, but generally speaking, it’s not in the middle of the night in an apartment complex.
One good incentive to not blare your music, television or whatever, other than not having people scream and throw shoes at the wall (I throw shoes, my other neighbors handle the screaming) is that if you annoy people long enough, they’ll call the cops on you. That may not strike fear in the hearts of many, but I’m not sure getting arrested, or at least chastised, for being a public nuisance is really a goal of a lot of people. If it is, then I think some people have more problems than they know what to do with.
Chris and I decided, after a few too many nights of Mr. Singing Sensation, that if the noise continued, we would notify the proper authorities.
We figured it would be best to notify our landlord first, so that’s just what we did. She said she’d talk to the man, but if she did he didn’t pay much attention. Now, the cops are looking better every night, believe you me. And I’m not the kind of person you’d normally hear utter such a phrase.
Another frustrating thing about apartment life is parking. I can’t speak for everyone out there, but I know I find it very annoying when people park in my designated spot, especially if I’ve never seen the vehicle before. If you have a spot for your apartment, then use it not someone else’s. And if you have company, make sure they know where to park, or at least where not to.
I happen to live in a building where only about half the residents own cars, so there are a few numbered but never used spots. In situations like this, I say go ahead and park in the empty spaces, but make sure the spot’s “owner” doesn’t mind, because people can get pretty vicious about random stuff.
If you happen to find an unknown car in your spot one day, don’t key it. Simply leave a note. I’m not saying be a pushover about such things, I’m just saying that in most situations the pen is mightier than the key. And if you happen to know whom the car belongs to, ask them to move it. Like a good neighbor, do it politely, don’t shout or throw about obscenities, that is unless you want your car scratched up or dented when you’re not looking.
A trend I’ve begun noticing around my apartment complex is the tendency people have for leaving junk lying around. I’m talking everything from children’s toys to garbage bags and beyond are included in the clutter. It’s nasty, trashy and no one wants to look at most of the crap people have on display.
I can understand the occasional dropped doll or tricycle, maybe even a bag of kitty poop waiting to be taken to the dumpsters, but when the whole front of the complex begins to look like a swap meet, there’s a problem.
If your apartment isn’t big enough to store your stuff, throw some things away. Grills, patio tables and flowerpots are all acceptable porch/balcony clutter – to me at least.
However, when you have to store your exercise equipment and shoe collection on the front stoop I think you either live in too small of a place, or have more stuff than you need. There’s no reason to subject your fellow tenants to bags and bags of potting soil or lawn gnomes and pink flamingoes – those are for front yards, and even then they’re tacky.
If you have to live in close proximity to people you should try to do as little as possible to piss them off.
If you’re a really good neighbor you might even try to make them like you.
Try to keep your area of the building tidy, don’t invade other people’s space. Above all, keep your dreams of being the next Celine Dion where they belong – in your head.

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