Smoking is gross and it makes you smell.
No, I’m not planning on lecturing anyone on the pitfalls of long-term suicide by tobacco, but I am going to say a few things on why I don’t smoke and why you shouldn’t around me or anyone else who doesn’t smoke for that matter.
First of all, everyone reading this, I’m sure, is old enough to know why smoking is bad.
It’s pretty simple, and if you’re not clear on why smoking is unhealthy, check the side of a cigarette pack, it’s all right there.
That’s the equivalent of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s saying “Caution: This product may make you fat.”
It shouldn’t have to be written, but I guess some people are just oblivious. So, I shall not list the health risks associated with smoking, but there are about a million web sites dedicated to doing just that.
I will, however, list a number of the social problems you may encounter if you choose to smoke. And really, any use of tobacco is bad, not just smoking, but I’m too lazy to type out all the varieties of tobacco consumption.
My main problem with people who smoke, besides them doing it around me which I will get to in a moment, is that generally they smell yucky.
Cigarettes stink and so do the people who suck on them.
Smoke, whether it be pipe, cigarette, cigar or whatever else, is noxious.
The fumes are foul and the people who are engulfed by them daily smell equally foul.
The clothes that smokers wear are encased with fumes every time the wearer, or anyone around them, lights one of their cancer sticks. That same smell permeates the fabric and follows the wearer all day like a little scent trail much like if you step in dog poop.
While you may get used to the smell and forget about it, those around you just have to hold their breath. And believe you me, no one wants to smell your stinky smoke anymore than they want to smell Fido’s stuff – at least no non-smokers do.
Other smokers may bask in the scent, but hey, they stink too so that’s not saying much.
Besides smelling like an ashtray, smokers also often look less than impressive.
Yellow teeth, brittle nails and stringy hair do not a sex-bomb make.
I don’t care how many supermodels smoke. They have well-paid people to keep them from looking like crap.
Yes, smoking is said to decrease appetite so people do it to lose, and not gain, weight. Well, folks, what’s more important – not having a belly pooch or having nice white teeth and fresh breath?
I’d say having a non-jaundiced appearance is more important, but that’s me.
Besides, if you’re that concerned with getting chunky, exercise and don’t eat junk food. It works, even if I might not be the best person to write about working out.
Now, here’s the part of the column that means the most to me.
You see, I don’t really give a rat’s patootie if you smoke. It’s your long and painful trip to the grave, not mine. But, that belief only goes so far as the end of my nose. As soon as the smoke from your cigarette passes into my airways, it’s a whole new situation.
Something about me that you have to understand to fully grasp this column is that I have no urge to spend any part of my life struggling to breathe.
I don’t want your cancer, and I’m sure no one else does either.
If you want to smoke, that’s your right from the age of 18 on, but I don’t have to put up with it. Or, I shouldn’t have to anyway.
I think, perhaps, smoking causes people to lose common decency as well as years of their lives.
I say this because smokers don’t seem to be able to read. Or, maybe the signs posted around campus are just too damn complicated to understand.
I often see people by Rogers-Stout smoking well beyond the “No smoking beyond this point” signs and I always wonder if these people are blind or just jackasses.
OK, so no one likes to stand in the street to smoke, but I sure as hell don’t want to be accosted by second-hand poison every time I go to class.
Early Wednesday, I came out of the Health Clinic and was walking to my car when I saw a girl on the sidewalk puffing on a cigarette while getting rained on. That would have been pathetic enough if she hadn’t been standing no more than a foot from TWO large signs stating that smoking was prohibited in that area.
ETSU is a center for higher education. You would think that somewhere along the line a woman in college would have learned to read. But, I guess not.
Now, I’m not saying all smokers are evil or out to get the non-smokers of the world. There are plenty of people who understand their addiction and try to be considerate of those around them. I thank those people for being courteous and urge them to give up the ghost of Marlboros past because I don’t think they should die on account of Big Tobacco having good advertisers.
However, for those of you who think it’s a riot to blow smoke at random people because you’re too ignorant to realize the dangers of your actions, I have two words for you that, at this time, cannot be printed by the East Tennessean.
I’m sure as people reading a college newspaper, you can figure them out.
In closing I’d like to give my advice to everyone out there who is sick of smelling the pew emitted by smokers on campus. Speak up. If there is someone smoking where they shouldn’t, tell them, jerky replies be damned.
Let folks know that you like your life just fine, even if they don’t like theirs. Cough loudly, make snide comments within earshot and if push comes to shove, tell them they smell like butt.
No one wants to hear that they reek, especially if they think they’re hot stuff. And my advice to the smokers – quit. Either quit or keep your stinky paraphernalia at home, because the rest of us, well, we’re coming to get you.
And even if we don’t get you, some nasty health problem probably will.
Something to think about next time you’re standing in the rain trying to get your nicotine fix.

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