Exactly how fast is “right quick?” How much does someone know if all of his or her sentences begin and end with “I reckon?”
How does someone make sense of, “Y’uns come a hair of hittn’ mah litlens smack dab in the forehead. Y’all better git before I throw a fit and whoop all of y’uns.”
It’s autumn, friends, and orientation is over. But are all of you feeling oriented?
If you happen to be one of those lucky out-of-state students, you probably just finished unpacking your moving boxes. Perhaps you’re excited about the coming year and its unlimited possibilities. Maybe you’ve already met dozens of new friends, all of them eager to include you in their many social gatherings.
More than likely, though, you’re probably just scared. “Real” scared.
Don’t be ashamed. If you were to take any proud resident of this Appalachian region and leave them in the middle of China, then you almost certainly see an appalling display of self-degradation as the poor subject tried desperately to communicate with the locals.
The problem the Appalachinite would face is the same problem that all students not from this region face when they step out of their dorm room every day: they don’t speak the language.
“Sure they do,” mumbles the hapless Appalachinite, all the while slowly drawing his vowels, sliding his consonants, and clinging to his obscure jargon for dear life. “We speak English, don’t we?”
The answer to that question is painfully obvious for anyone who decides to travel beyond their homestead. Of course we don’t speak English.
No, don’t cry. It’s not your fault. And it’s really not a bad thing. Diversity is the spice of life. The language we speak has been pounded into us from an early age, and does not allude to our level of intelligence in any way.
We’re different, that’s all.
Years ago, Scotsmen migrated to Ulster, Ireland, to gain some degree of religious freedom. And contrary to what some may believe, Scots are very different from the Irish.
This clashing of cultures partly led to the development of a unique language, used solely by the immigrants who later came to be known as the Scotch Irish.
When the floodgate to North America opened, thousands of Scotch Irish poured through. A large number of these Scotch Irish settled in the mountains of Appalachia, and while they aren’t the sole contributors to the development of our regional language, they have been a major influence.
So don’t feel bad. We come by it honest.
However, this makes it hard for us to communicate with those not native to our “tiny little island,” and vice versa.
Thus the purpose of this article becomes alarmingly clear: students not from this region need a guide to translate the gibberish and this article is the hook-up. Holla, yo, if you fizzle my snzizzle.
Sorry, that’s an entirely different language.
Anyway, the best place to start is the regional favorite “ain’t.” The best english equivalent would be “isn’t,” although “aren’t,” “haven’t” and “am not” are sometimes the intended meanings. Example: “I ain’t your mama – and I can tell you ain’t helpless. You living here ain’t going to work if you can’t do your own cooking.”
(Minor note here: When speaking this language, be sure to replace “ing” with “‘n” and always slide any “I” sound as though you were saying the word “Idaho.”
“Y’uns” and “y’all” are words whose closest equivalent would be “you all,” most commonly referring to a group of people, or company that the host doesn’t particularly like. Examples: “Y’uns ain’t welcome here.” “Y’all have a good night and drive safely.”
Sugar refers to kisses, and if creepy guys follow you around asking for it, run away. Example: “Want you give me some sugar? I been real good …”
“Plum fed up” means someone has reached the end of their patience with a person or situation. Example: “I’m plum fed up with these birds ah pooping everywhere. How many do I have to shoot before they get the message?”
“A lick,” “come a hair” and “smack dab” are measures of degrees, with the former referring to close and the latter referring to “precisely.” Example: “I come a lick/hair of kissing her smack dab on the lips, but her daddy came home and I had to run out the back.”
Strange-sounding phrases such as “head for the hills” and “up a creek” are used profusely in every-day language. “Head for the hills” roughly translates into “I need to go” or “I need to get away from something,” while “up a creek” is the shortened version of “up a creek without a paddle.” This phrase most commonly refers to a situation in which the speaker is unable to change, so he or she should simply do what is necessary to escape. Example: “Boy, Bubba sure is up a creek. I don’t know what I’d do if my girlfriend told me that I was insufficient as a human being. He should head for the hills.”
The term “dadburn it” is somewhat of a mystery. Some seem to think that it refers to someone’s father burning in hell; others say that it has no meaning at all. Either way, it is used to express profound anger. Example: “Dadburn it! I paid $800 for those Bristol tickets when really all I had to pay was $500!”
“Taking a gander” has absolutely nothing to do with stealing geese. Rather, the phrase is used both as a command and a descriptive action for looking at something. Example: “Take a gander at that, Willis. I ain’t never seen nothing that old.”
“Whoop” was used in Appalachia long before the early nineties classic “Whoop – There it is.” Long before rap immortals shouted this phrase to gyrating crowds, people in this region were using “whoop” to intimidate and threaten. If this word is used in an imposing toward you, out-of-state student, do the smart thing and head for the hills. Example: “Son, my daughter could whoop you with one hand tied behind her back. What makes you think that I’m gonna be scared of you?”
“Litlens” are simply children. Example: “I take care of mah litlens, you hear me? I take care of ‘um!”
“I reckon” should never be taken as a complete affirmation. This phrase is used to express the speaker’s doubt on some subjects and directions. Example: “Can I use your bathroom?” “I reckon …”
And finally, we reach the climax of the Appalachian dialect.There are many other sayings and words, but if you master this gem and its many intricacies, then you can go anywhere and do anything. “Right” resembles its English cousin in many ways – it refers to the direction and is used as a signal of confirmation. However, the Appalachian version has many more uses.
“Right” roughly translates into “I am somewhat confused” or “I don’t care about what you’re saying.” The word is repeated, sometimes dozens of times, in an effort to conceal the speakers utter disdain for his own confusion or his simple ignorance. If you ask a local a question and he or she responds with “right” numerous times, then you can be certain that that person considers the subject at hand to be a waste of time.
“Right” is commonly used as a confidence booster, or a way to suggest exact location. You say, “Is it there?” A local points and says, “It’s RIGHT there.” Whenever right is used in this way, the speaker slowly draw out the “r” if he or she is in a good mood; if that is not the case, the word will be pronounced short, with a lot of air.
“Right” is used almost as a new prefix. Some examples are: right quick, right shortly, right now, right over there, right on it, right about, right where, right by, right good and right around. “Right” can also be used to describe one’s relationship with Jesus.
Are you feeling better, out-of-state student? You should be. While this is in no way an exhaustive guide to the Appalachian language, it should give you enough skills to enjoy your stay in the City of Johnson.
Just be careful who gives you sugar, OK?

Author