… And deliver us from the evil of SpongeBob SquarePants.
The assault on Mr. SquarePants has begun, and is led by none other than that ultra right-wing religious child psychologist and evangelist – the self-proclaimed guardian of the family and defender of his own causes – Dr. James C. Dobson.
Not only is Dobson seeking to bring down SpongeBob, but in recent weeks, he has threatened to place six Democratic senators “in the bull’s-eye the next time they seek re-election,” should they attempt to block any conservative appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Dobson also said that “if President Bush fails to appoint strict constructionist jurists,” he promises, “a battle of enormous proportions from sea to shining sea.”
So let’s see if I have this correct.
Dobson is threatening elected officials, preparing to do battle against the president, and at the same time is seeking support in his crusade to take down the archenemy of children.
Dobson has claimed that “SpongeBob’s creators have enlisted [SpongeBob] in a pro-homosexual video,” where he will appear with other cartoon characters like Barney and Jimmy Neutron.
According to Dobson, the video is being mailed to elementary schools to promote a “tolerance pledge” which includes tolerance for differences of “sexual identity.”
The creator of the video, Nile Rodgers, has said that “Dobson’s objection stemmed from a misunderstanding.”
Rodgers is the founder of the We Are Family Foundation, an organization that teaches children about multiculturalism.
He stated that there is an unrelated web site which also calls itself, “We Are Family,” and the site supports gay youth, and perhaps this is where the confusion stems from.
Rodgers also has a music video to his credit, which several television networks have shown. That video deals with the attacks of 9/11 and the aspects and importance of understanding multiculturalism.
Too late though, because the damage to the mighty and evil SpongeBob has been done.
Thanks to Dobson shooting from his religious-right hip, children will now ask their parents if Mr. SquarePants is a homosexual, and ultimately, “What does homosexual mean, mommy?”
Children grow up way too fast, and are subjected to enough garbage without the likes of Dobson coming along and ruining their innocence before the age of 10.
And so what if someone makes a video about tolerance?
Perhaps it will help to curb the hate and anger of bigoted and prejudiced parents who teach their children that because someone chooses a different lifestyle, this makes them bad.
Children are not born with hatred, prejudice and malice in their hearts, and the furor Dobson has stirred up, while invoking a self-made right-wing religion into the matter, will hopefully come back to haunt him.
Unfortunately though, children who don’t watch SpongeBob for whatever reasons will now look upon their friends who do watch him and proclaim that there must be something wrong with anyone who would watch a homosexual cartoon character.
And you don’t think this will happen?
Just wait until all the parents who take Dobson’s self-proclaimed word as being gospel have their say into the matter.
Bugs Bunny was known to have evaded Elmer Fudd and his shotgun by dressing up as a woman, planting a kiss on him, and then roaring off into the distance. All this, while a dazed Fudd stood there with heart-shaped objects floating above his head before realizing that he had been duped.
Did anyone ever accuse these two classic cartoon characters of promoting homosexuality?
Porky Pig, Donald Duck and a host of other cartoon characters paraded around without any pants on.
So, did anyone find that offensive?
Dobson, like most evangelists, loves to see his name in print, and if he can’t find controversy, then he’ll invent some.
And so what if SpongeBob holds hands with his buddy Patrick while watching the imaginary television show, “The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.”
This imaginary show is nothing more than a take off on Batman and Robin, and certainly no harm is being done.
In fact, school children across this nation hold hands with each other on outings, not just because their teachers instructed them to do so, but because it gives them a feeling of security while they’re out in this big world.
SpongeBob is not some superhero of the deep, and he is definitely not clouding the minds of the innocent. He is merely entertaining millions of children who find him amusing, and who can’t wait until the next episode.
Dobson should be promoting respect and tolerance, instead of concerning himself with politics and cartoons, lest he become a cartoon himself.
Hey SpongeBob. You go guy!
From the Cannon Corner, I’m Larry French.

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