OK, so I’m moving to Bhutan.
Bhutan? I know what you’re thinking: Where the heck is Bhutan and why on earth would it be worth leaving Johnson City for?
Well, I’ll tell you, and I even promise to refrain from naming all the reasons most anywhere would be worth leaving Johnson City for.
Bhutan, for those of you who are not majoring in geography, is a smallish nation in the Himalayas, way over there on the other side of the world. Rough population of about 2 million, small numbers of tourists – by choice of Bhutan, not the tourists – and now, the first official non-smoking NATION!
Yeah, you read that right. Not a non-smoking bar, building, sidewalk or restaurant – the entire freaking country is non-smoking.
As of Dec. 17, 2004, it is illegal to smoke in public or sell tobacco in the province. The fine is nothing by American standards (about $230), but that equates to two months’ salary there.
And before any of you throw civil rights hissy fits, citizens of Bhutan can smoke in their homes; they just have to pay big money to import the goods. Any person caught bringing in tobacco to sell will be charged with smuggling. Eek.
Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but the idea of being in a foreign land under that charge does not fill me with warm fuzzies. Not that I’m particularly concerned. Black market money might be nice, but if I was into that I’d be dealing in heroin, not opinions.
So, yeah, a non-smoking nation – makes you wonder what the big fuss is about not being able to smoke in bars anymore.
Personally I hope it catches on, though I foresee few western nations taking hold of the concept. I can’t imagine France, a nation where not smoking is considered odd, deciding to follow suit and placing signs up reading: Fumer Interdit!
Though maybe it could lessen that whole snotty air a tad – then again, what’s the fun of going to France if there’s no snobbery involved?
Or maybe England will be next. All those ridiculous American attempts at humor will be for naught if wanting a fag (ha, ha, blah) becomes an illegal pastime.
Maybe losing all that nicotine will help with the dental problems that British stereotypes seem to propagate as well as cut down on cancer related deaths and the general stink of lingering smoke.
But what do I care if France or England keeps par for the course on smoking?
I may travel there, but I don’t live there. I live here, in America, and I’m tired of smelling other people’s slow deaths.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve said it before to smokers and I’ll say it again: It’s your body; treat it as you will.
However, how hard is it to keep it at home? I mean, you don’t bring your sex toys out in public to share with strangers (well, I hope not anyway) so why do you whip out your coffin nails as soon as you can?
For those of you who completely missed that analogy, the point is, not everyone wants to be involved in what you enjoy. Not everyone wants to see, smell, hear, feel or touch your cigarettes. I certainly don’t. And no, I don’t want to know about your sex toys either.
Now as much as I may wish it, I’m sure America will never take a cue from Bhutan and make public smoking illegal. There’s too much money in big tobacco to do that.
However, I do hope that our government, along with private businesses and such, do take notice that if an entire nation can quit cold turkey, then most people can do without a drag for a few minutes, or, perish the thought, a few hours.
And for all of you out there rolling your eyes and thinking about the Marlboro man, take heart. I may dream of moving to a place like blissfully smoke-free Bhutan, but you’ll never have to.
So until I get my passport updated, how about we split the difference? I’ll stop telling you (and everyone you know) that you stink if you just stop smoking in public.
Deal?

Author