Hello, hello, hello, welcome, welcome, hello. Is everyone happy and energized and here now? OK well, enough with the formalities; moving on.
The Frat Boy Think Tank (as if there could ever be such a thing) has outsmarted some women again. “How?” you ask.
OK, calm down, let me get to it.I am incredibly disappointed in them. They have allowed a small group of quasi-morons all possessing IQs in the upper 80s (think George Bush), to subvert the feminist movement and redefine “feminism” and “liberation” into words that are now synonymous with the ever popular statement “I saw boobs in (insert popular spring break locale).”
Now please tell me, does anyone really believe that a woman thought up the phrase “It’s a rite of passage?”
No, that was the culmination of years of hard work – the masterpiece, centerpiece and showpiece of the Think Tank.
My personal favorite is the takeoff on the old Vegas standard, “What happens in (Cancun), stays in (Cancun).”
But see, that is not quite accurate. Because Johnny from North Dakota caught you in your naked, drunken stupor on his cell phone camera (remember the flash?) and now your forgotten moment at the club is on the Internet for any 13-year-old boy to see.
I guess you can take some pride in knowing that you helped thousands of young boys “become a man.”
So yes, let’s now use the word “liberation” in an example sentence: Johnny (he would not miss Spring Break or Mardi Gras) says, “I got this girl at Mardi Gras to liberate her boobs from her shirt for 50 cents worth of beads!”
I believe that this is the part of the article where I am supposed to make right all of the wrongs and injustices of the previous paragraphs. But how about we briefly go in the opposite direction and hear what the chauvinists have to say?
Woman: “I am tired of the double standard.”
Chauvinist: “OK fine, you don’t want a double standard?Pick me up, open my door, and I will round up to be nice – your half of dinner is $25 even.”
Yeah OK, I should probably end there for today (enough damage done already) and in summation, say … well, nothing, I’ve already said too much.
(Disclaimer: Yes, yes I realize that not all women are like this and that gross generalities and stereotypes will ruin our country … yada, yada, yada. Please do not firebomb my car.)
(Note to men whose girlfriends have read the article and catch them laughing while reading it: Step 1: Yell, “Look! There is that fascist woman hater!”Step 2: Run away.)

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