Dear Editor,
Hello, I am number 10082141, a senior at this piss-poor institution we like to call a university. Recently, I filled out a request with our helpful friends over at the graduation office asking them permission to participate in May’s commencement ceremony.
Anyone graduating in the summer can make such a request. You just write them a nice, persuasive letter describing why you think you should participate in the commencement prior to the actual completion of your degree.
In my case, I will be working several hundred miles away in December and will unfortunately not be able to participate in the grossly belated ceremony reserved for summer stragglers and December grads.
Just so you know, we here at ETSU are one of the only two four-year universities in the Tennessee Board of Regents who do not have a summer ceremony. ETSU and Austin Peay University just don’t feel like going through the hassle I guess.
In any case, I wrote my nice letter, said my pleases and thank yous and crossed my fingers.
The graduation office told me to wait for a reply sometime after pre-registration for summer semester. Well, as you know, registration has just passed, and I got my reply. Denied.
Why? Because I will be taking two classes that total seven credit hours – one credit hour more than the maximum of six.
You see, my nice letter didn’t matter, folks. They didn’t consider my case. They, and by they I mean the president of this fine establishment, saw my number was too much, waved the magic wand, the proverbial finger, and said, “See you in December No. 10082141.”
Well I just want to thank you Mr. President for nothing. Thanks for not giving me the ceremony that is a student’s right, not a privilege.
Just one more thing, how about reconsidering your ban on summer commencement?Is that too much to ask, or do the numbers not add up?
Brad Harris
No. 10082141

Editor’s Note: The writer requested only his student I.D. be printed with this letter because he believes he is nothing but a number to the university. However, as this is against East Tennessean policy, we were required to print his name as well as his number.

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