Q: I have been dating my boyfriend for like a month and I think I love him. Should I tell him now or should I wait awhile?
Nonplussed by New Love
A: Oh, that all-important moment when you first utter those three little words … in movies and books, this is often the defining moment in which two characters realize their undying passion for one another and vow to be together forever, after which they promptly ride off into the sunset.
Is this moment ever going to occur in real life, and more specifically, to you? My guess is no.
Not to burst anyone’s bubble, but life ain’t the movies. The first time two people say that they love each other is sometimes as romantic as both parties would like to imagine it should be, but just as often it is extremely awkward, usually because one person has elected to use the “L” word a bit prematurely.
I think, if I were you, I would hold off on using such a loaded four-letter word just yet. “Love” can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but I don’t think you want to accidentally give your boyfriend of only one month the impression that you want to spend the rest of eternity together (or do you?).
Regardless of whether you might think you do at this point, I am just going to take a wild guess and say that you don’t know nearly enough about this fellow to be making that kind of commitment. Do you know his favorite books? Maybe. What job he wants when he graduates? Probably. Do you know whether he has also decided that he loves you? Probably not.
After all, you don’t want to scare the poor guy off. While it is a bit clich to say that guys are more commitment-phobic than girls, I believe it is mostly true, and I don’t think you want your zeal to express how exciting your new romance is to be the direct cause of its untimely end.
Not to be mean, I really don’t understand why people want to rush these things, anyway. Nothing is more disgusting than a really new couple (of say, one month) just gushing about how much they love each other. I mean, come on … no one really believes them. If anything, they just feel sorry that these people are so naÜve as to mistake excitement for love. I don’t think you want to be that couple.
OK, maybe that was a little harsh. What I’m really trying to get at here is that you should not be worrying about these things at such an early point in your relationship. My general advice to you is to let your relationship do the talking for a while. Instead of telling him you love him, do something special for him … buy him a book or CD he’s been wanting, or bring him dinner after he gets out of work. To keep up the theme of clichs I’ve got going on in this column, “actions speak louder than words.”
To avoid potential fallout over one loaded little word, let the person who is least likely to say it prematurely (i.e. the most commitment-phobic of you two) say it first. In all likelihood, if this person has decided that he (or she) is in love, the other person has probably come to that same conclusion eons ago.
While it may be agonizing for you to hold in your amorous inclinations, it is definitely for the best.

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