Dear Editor,
What is with the parking situation at ETSU?
Finding a place to park on campus now is worse than trying to find one at Wal-Mart. If we do stumble upon one, it’s like an archaeological discovery, or when you manage to finally get something real close, you think there must be something wrong with it.
No wonder freshmen drop out so much. Not finding a parking spot frustrates you to the point to say, forget it! Nope! Uh uh. Oh no. School is not for me!
Parades of people casually stroll in front of you knowing they’re on time.
I have come to realize that finding a place to park is a lot like work because you’re not moving around a lot, you’re mad as hell and you’re sweating profusely. I propose we do something about it.
I’m going to run for ETSU President. Vote Maples. I’ll add a new parking lot called, “I can’t find a parking spot so I’ll just pay the meter for this one,” and then place another one behind that one that offers anger management classes and free-standing punching bags.
Donated money has led to a new creation on campus. Let’s build a bell tower.
Ha! Ha! Now they can park three miles away but listen to a nice happy tune as they run to class to be late and sweaty. It plays some weird stuff doesn’t it? I think I heard the ‘My bologna has a first name’ song the other day before the sprinklers came on at 9:45 a.m. and shot me in the back.
How about the drink machines in Rogers-Stout Hall? I mean, I enjoy my gambling habits but not with determining what type of soda I want. Do monkeys fill these machines? The first one won’t take your dollar, and the next gives you a non-caffeinated Sprite when you needed a refreshing sugar, pancreas-shocking Coca-Cola after a night of partying. How about we hold a wrestling the drink machine competition?
These are just a few concerns I wanted to relieve myself of and find humor in the situation. Thanks for listening. You can go now.
Josh Maples

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