So it’s not a clock tower, so it’s not a bell tower, so it didn’t even cost the students anything other than a patch of grass and some trees, but let’s face it, that carillon is really annoying.
Too short to climb to the top of and snipe people as a result of a nervous breakdown (what everyone knows clock towers are for), yet too tall to ignore, the carillon mocks me from the middle of campus everyday.
A middle-sized monument to how often ETSU and its alumni in this case, waste money, the carillon stands as the embodiment of poorly appropriated funds. On a campus that does not have enough parking spaces to accommodate all of its students, not to mention faculty, $750,000 was used to build a shiny new carillon. If nothing else, the alumni and ETSU Foundation could have spent that money to provide proper heating and cooling units to some of campus’ buildings.
If you ask me, this carillon is a penis-measuring contest. It is a way for the alumni to say “Look, my alma mater has a big carillon. I bet you don’t even know what a carillon is.”
And feel better about themselves.
Made worse by the fact that every time I curse the clock tower, I am technically incorrect because it is really a carillon – one of the world’s largest musical instruments – my hatred for it grows with the hour. Not on the hour mind you, but more like 17 or 23 past the hour because that’s when it chimes.
And the chiming itself is infuriation turned to sound. Playing random, mostly not discernable songs at around 105 decibels, it terrorizes campus with its 27 off-key bells. Some students have even personified the carillon in their minds.
“The clock tower plays ‘Rock-a-by Baby’ early in the morning when we are going to class. It sounds like it is trying to make fun of us or tease us because it’s a clock tower and doesn’t have to go to class.” said Richard Rader, a 20-year-old computer science major.
Every day I fantasize about Godzilla, in all his green glory, stomping through campus and destroying that thing in mid-bong. Drawn all the way from the Pacific by the carillon’s incessant chimes, he ignores the other buildings and bystanders. In one fell swoop of his gigantic tail the tower comes crumbling down – $750,000 worth of brick and belled annoyance reduced to rumble in only a few short seconds.
A horrible conglomeration of bonging and crashing issues from the collapsing mass mixed with Godzilla’s undeniable victory squeal.
Belching flame onto the ruins, he melts the bells down to hot molten goo, never to sound again. Stomping and turning his gigantic foot the way one would snuff out a cigarette, Godzilla stops time for the carillon and destroys its giant clock face.
As he stomps off back to his watery home, Godzilla is hailed with cheers from the crowd of students that gathered to see the carillon’s destruction.
The next time the Alumni and ETSU Foundation feel like spending such a huge amount of money, lets hope they choose to actually improve our campus with something functional and not another obnoxious chunk of bling-bling posturing.

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