Going into the Goo Goo Dolls concert, I did not expect much from punks turned adult contemporary “rockers.”
With their new record coming out this Tuesday (that has already been panned by the majority of rock critics) and being without a top 20 hit since “Black Balloon” that reached the 13 spot in 1999, I began to wonder what many had been wondering: why did we pay a bunch of over-the-hill power ballad singers $100,000?
I guess we will never find that out, but God knows ETSU loves to book bands that were big back when the majority of us were in middle school.
Before the Goo Goo Dolls could woo us with their archaic hits, the crowd was forced to endure the insufferable power-pop that is Knoxville’s The Big Tease, and ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to say after an extensive search and many arduous journeys, I have found the child actor from the Problem Child movies series and he is playing guitar and singing (kind of) in The Big Tease. John Ritter would be so proud.
The Big Tease, with their not-so-witty-between-song banter, clich band garb (button ups, ties and suits) and their horrible Click 5ish sound, could not even win the crowd over.
Things are definitely going badly for a band when the biggest cheer they receive all night is when they announce they are playing their final song.
Then, after a wait of what seemed forever, ambient music filled the stage and the lights dimmed for the Goo Goo Dolls’ entrance.
Already bored and with a deep hate growing in my stomach, I began to boo the Goo Goo Dolls arrival. Why did I have a deep hate for the Goo Goo Dolls?
Not only was I pissed that they did not bring the “special guest” they promised for the high price of $100,000 but a source (we will call him Jack) of mine told me of a lighting debacle in their dressing room.
“The tour manger was like ‘we need ambience in here these fluorescent lights are too harsh,’ ” Jack said.
These over-the-hill prima donnas should be less worried about the lighting in their dressing room and more worried about their shitty record being scoffed at by most every reputable music magazine.
After I yelled that the Goo Goo Dolls sucked, a girl whose breath smelt something like a dog’s after it is through licking itself began to yell at me.
Dog Breath: “If you do not like them, then why are you here?”
Eddie: “I am doing a review of it for the paper and I was forced to pay for it.”
Dog Breath: “Honey, I am a journalism major too and you are supposed to be unbiased.”
Eddie: “I am unbiased and I know for a fact that they suck. Have you heard their new record?”
After my enriching conversation with Dog Breath, the Goo Goo Dolls finally took the stage and began their one hour-plus reign over the Mini-Dome.
Johnny Rzeznik, with his sketchy tattoos, newly highlighted hair and Bon Jovi-like appearance wooed the ladies and the moms in the crowd with ballad after ballad until bassist Robby Takac sang something that sounded like, “Grrrruuuummmbbble,” in a Lemmy (of Motorhead fame) voice, only you can understand Lemmy when he sings.
After Takac finished grumbling, the Goo Goo Dolls unleashed their last hit upon the crowd, “Black Balloon,” and the girls swooned and moms cheered.
Ten power ballads and “Grrrruuuummmbbble Part II” later they Goo Goo Dolls broke out the mega-hit “Iris” and the crowd erupted with glee.
They then exited the stage, only to return minutes later (like every band) for an encore that included 2005’s “Give A Little Bit.

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