Q: I am pretty sure my boyfriend is cheating on me! How can I find out?
Suspicious StudentA: Short of hiring a private detective or being unlucky enough to catch him in the act, you are never going to know for sure.
Cheating is a really sensitive subject, so you’d better be really certain before you start poking your nose around because someone could (and probably will) get hurt.
Think about it – if you find out your boyfriend really is cheating on you, you will probably break up with him, right?
And if you ask him if he’s been cheating on you and he hasn’t been, he will probably break up with you because you didn’t trust him.
So make sure your fears are more than just fears because if you really start looking, you are probably going to end your relationship.
That said, people in relationships often have an uncanny sixth sense – they know when something’s wrong, even if they don’t know exactly what it is.
If your boyfriend is cheating, his behavior toward you will probably have changed along with it.
Has he been a lot more distant lately? Has he suddenly stopped seeing you as much as he used to? Does he make excuses for not calling you?
If you used to hang out with his friends, has he suddenly stopped taking you along? If they know, he might not want you to be around them.
All of these signals indicate that something (or someone) is taking up lots of his time. You can now proceed to the next step.
The first way to broach the subject of cheating is just to ask him . but not about cheating. Tell him that you noticed he’s been different/preoccupied/worried lately, and you were wondering what was wrong. Don’t make any accusations at this point.
This is his chance to explain and/or redeem himself. If he brushes you off or gets angry, you’ll know something is definitely up.
The second step would be to ask his friends. Depending on how well you know them, they may or may not open up to you, but it’s worth a shot. Don’t accuse him of cheating in front of them, either (it will probably get back to your boyfriend).
Instead, ask them the same question you asked your boyfriend: “What’s wrong?”
Act concerned, not suspicious, and make sure you have already asked your boyfriend this question first. If not, he will think you are going behind his back.
If talking with his friends also proves fruitless, you have to make a choice: you can either spy on him (not recommended) or straight up ask him.
If you are really clever, you can have your friends spy on him, but it’s really not nice to drag other people into your private mess.
If you have tried all the other steps and still have serious doubts about your boyfriend’s faithfulness, just ask him.
For better or for worse, at least you’ll find out the truth.
And honestly, if you really don’t trust him, you probably shouldn’t be together anyway.
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