Q: There is certainly no shortage of attractive women in my daily routine.I work with many, have class with tons, and pass countless more between classes or while in line for food.
Unfortunately, quick glances or an awkward smile are about all these encounters amount to – aside from some mental bashing of my own lack of initiative, and an intense despising of my own situation – being single, without the nads to take action to change it. I’d say it’s less a lack of confidence than it is just an intense fear of rejection.
Even when the initial conversation barrier is broken, I become stricken with mental retardation when it comes to moving it past friendship.
I suppose the question here is this: how do I stop being some community chat buddy and start seducing my way into the wonderful world of relationships?
– Gigantic Flying Walrus
A: I imagine there are lots of guys in your situation. You have tons of female friends but can’t get any of them to see you as more than a friend.
So you have to think: what is it about you that makes you a good friend but (so far, at least) not a good boyfriend?
You say in your question that your situation is more due to a fear of rejection than a lack of confidence, but I say it is due to both. Where do you think your fear of rejection comes from?
If you were confident in yourself, you would believe that any woman you asked out would not say no just because she thought you weren’t good enough for her. If it didn’t work out with the person you wanted, you would know it was because sometimes people just aren’t right for each other and not because of something you did wrong.
A woman will either like you or she won’t. If you don’t ask, you may avoid being rejected but you also may never know what could have been.
Now for the task of getting you a girlfriend.
The suggestions I am going to make are by no means foolproof, but following them can’t hurt you in your quest to enter the world of college dating.
First, make sure your personal appearance is in order. It may sound superficial, but your looks are the first thing potential girlfriends will notice about you. A general appearance of being clean and a bit stylish will make you approachable.
If your personal appearance is already fine, you’re going to have to work on the way you present yourself to females. Either you make yourself too visible or you fade into the background when it comes to interacting with potential girlfriends.
If you joke too much with women, chances are they will just see you as ‘the funny guy.’ Most women will cite a sense of humor as an important quality in a potential mate, but there are other qualities that are also important.
You have to let them see the other sides of you, too. Sometimes it’s easier to make a joke than to have a real conversation, but you have to show women you’re interested in that you have more than just a funny side if you want them to take you seriously.
If you find yourself unable to put together a coherent sentence around females, I don’t have any real advice for you other than that you’re going to have to learn to talk to women if you want a girlfriend.
Start out slow, such as asking about a homework assignment or even commenting on the weather.
Try not to be negative or say anything to put yourself down – confidence is far more attractive. Even if you are unsure of yourself, try your best not to show it, and whatever you do, don’t make yourself sound desperate.
If you aren’t comfortable asking someone out on a date, try to work your way up to it slowly.
Ask if she wants to get together to study. Talk to her about music, movies and books then suggest she go to a movie she wants to see with you and your friends.
Keep it casual so she doesn’t feel obligated to say yes to a romantic date yet. Talk to her like a friend. If she isn’t obviously disinterested, ask her if she wants to go get coffee or have lunch together between classes. If she says yes, you’ll know she probably likes you, too.
Basically, you’re going to have to get over your shyness (or at least act like you have) if you’re going to be proactive about entering the ‘wonderful world of relationships.’
Questions? Comments? Please send emails to me at et_enchilada@yahoo.com.

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