Q: So, I am in a chemistry lab and made pretty quick friends with my lab partner. I went to his room to work on a lab report and we ended up having sex.
He hasn’t returned my calls since that night.How do I face him in lab? I think I might need a new partner and I don’t know what to tell my TA. Please help.
Bad News BrownA: Wow, congratulations for writing the juiciest question yet to grace the pages of the East Tennessean. There is no easy answer to this problem, but I think you can both work something out that will allow you to continue to work together, even if it’s with different partners. After all, you don’t want to fail your chem lab, too!
You write that, after the “incident,” your lab partner refuses to return your calls. Why do you think he won’t call you back? Does he have a girlfriend? Maybe he thinks he made a mistake and he’s just being a big baby about it?
The worst-case scenario is that he got what he wanted and now he doesn’t need anything more from you. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what people are thinking, but he’s obviously not taking the adult road to resolving the situation he helped create.
While it would be pretty low to resort to chemistry class to find new people to sleep with, you can’t completely rule that out as an option. If it turns out that he has used you, you shouldn’t feel too bad. It’s happened before and I’m sure it will happen again.
You should use this opportunity as a learning experience: don’t sleep with someone unless you are fairly certain they won’t treat you like pond scum afterwards.
I’ve never taken chemistry (I opted for astronomy instead), but something tells me that he will have to show up for class eventually, whether he wants to see you or not, if he doesn’t want to fail.
If he doesn’t show up to class at the next meeting and he still won’t return your calls, you need a new partner. You don’t have to spill the beans to your TA about exactly what happened, but you could say that you two had a fight or that you just realized you couldn’t work together anymore. Hopefully your TA will understand and help you find a new lab partner.
As for “facing” him, it is probably going to be awkward when it does happen, and there’s really nothing you can do about that short of ignoring him. However, if you’re going to keep up your chemistry grade, you’re going to have to just swallow your pride and confront him about it.
You could say that you regret what happened and that you don’t want it to affect your working together, but you did say that you two “made pretty quick friends.”
It sounds like you thought there was some connection there, so I’m betting that you have (or maybe “had” now that he’s been so awful) feelings for him.
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but he probably doesn’t want anything more if he is that freaked out and/or indifferent after your hook-up.
Whenever you see him, it’s up to you whether you want to ask him about where you two stand after what happened. Be warned, however: if you were expecting anything more, you’re probably going to be let down.
Just so you know, the advice given in this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.
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