Q: I really like one of my professors in the English department. I can’t stop thinking about him. I lay awake elusively smiling in the dark. I walk into Burleson Hall drooling with anticipation. Is this normal? How can I stop this? And better yet . what should I do about it?
Hot and Bothered in BurlesonA: Your situation is not abnormal. Juicy stories about faculty-student ‘liaisons’ are rife on the nightly news. Granted, the ones reported on the news usually involve 13-year-old boys, but that is not the point. The point is that students and professors have a long history of getting involved in out-of-class affairs.
Why? The answer seems simple. The professor is an authority figure, and an attractive authority figure at that.
And I’m not talking about physical attraction, although that is definitely a possibility. I’m talking about the kind of awe that is inspired by those we believe to be infinitely wiser than us. Professors seem to have all the answers. They have thought about questions we can barely begin to form. They are worldly, sometimes witty, and definitely grown-up.
In short, the professor stands for everything we wish we were. As a student, it is common to feel like your life isn’t moving along like you wish it would or that it is taking too long for you to really feel like an adult.
When we were young, it seemed like we would be all grown-up by the time we entered college. Now that we’re here, we’ve learned that isn’t necessarily the case. We’re working toward an adult future, but mostly we still behave like children.
This is where the professor enters the picture. The object of your desire has everything you are here to obtain, both worldly and intellectual knowledge.
He also has control over your grade, which is where the problem with your infatuation lies.
I’m assuming from the wording of your question that you’ve not yet ‘done’ anything about your feelings. This is probably for the better, since such an entanglement could jeopardize both yours and your professor’s academic integrity.
With the possibility of sexual harassment suits, it seems unlikely that a professor would even become involved with a student. A spurned ex-lover could easily claim that a professor had traded better grades for sexual favors.
Even when a faculty-student relationship is consensual, it can still be problematic. Some universities have completely banned any form of student-professor romantic relationships, while others are opting to only allow relationships between professors and students who will never be in the same class.
As for how you can stop your feelings, there is no good advice on how to tell your heart to stop skipping beats or your stomach to stop feeling butterflies every time you go to class.
However, you can try to rationalize to yourself why you should not act on your feelings. Think about why you like your professor. Is it his looks? His personality? Or is it because you are swept away by his intellectual prowess?
Realize that such a relationship would probably never work in the real world. The balance of power between professor and student would undoubtedly create problems for both of you. Also realize that it is likely that other women in your class feel the same way about your professor. Power can be intoxicating.
Such fantasies are a normal part of being human, but you should probably keep your feelings for your professor confined to your elusive smiles in the dark.
Questions? Comments? Send your e-mails for The Whole Enchilada to et_enchilada@yahoo.com.

Author