Q: I’ve been dating this girl for eight months. Things are getting pretty serious, but there is a wedge between us. This wedge comes in the form of her sister. She is two years older than my girlfriend and me, and she carries with her a maturity that I find very appealing. I’ve often thought of telling my girlfriend about my crush because it started as an innocent thing. However, now I find I’m only spending time with my girlfriend to be near her sister. Any help here would be great.
Mortified in Mathes A: Life just sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?
Everything’s fine, you’ve found someone you like, and then . BAM! Something happens to screw it all up. You can’t help who you like, but it does seem sometimes that life puts you in the worst situation possible just to watch you squirm.
Why couldn’t you have met the sister before you met your girlfriend and avoided all the trouble that’s bound to ensue? That is one of life’s most annoying questions.
Anyway, you need some help as to how to handle this situation diplomatically. For starters, weigh the situation. Is this a passing crush or do you have real feelings for the sister? You call it a crush but you go on to say that you’d rather spend time with the sister than your own girlfriend with whom you are supposedly ‘serious,’ so I’m guessing what you have for the sister is ‘more than a feeling.’ (Sorry for the horrible Boston reference, but I couldn’t resist.)
If your feelings for the sister are real, you have to break up with your girlfriend. It’s not fair to her if you stay in the relationship. She should have the chance to be with someone who actually cares for her, not just for her sister. I’m not sure of the best way for you to actually do it .that’s between you and your girlfriend. The ball is in your court on this one.
You could tell her that you’ve met someone else, or you could actually tell her who that someone else is. Either way, she will definitely find out eventually, and it’s not going to be pretty when it does happen. Maybe it’s best to get it over with as soon as possible, but that’s completely up to you. Just don’t try to lie to her, as this can only make an already awkward situation even worse.
After that, you can approach the sister. If you do this before you break up with your girlfriend, there will be hell to pay. If the sister says no, what are you going to do? Stay with your girlfriend even though you would rather be with her sister?
It will be much easier for everyone in the long run if you wait. This is the most gentlemanly thing you can do. If you’re going to break up with your girlfriend for her sister (which is certainly going to be horrifying for your girlfriend), the least you can do is respect the relationship until it’s officially ended. She’s going to feel bad enough that you’d rather have her sister. Don’t add the pain of betrayal to that.
If the sister actually reciprocates your feelings, it’s still not going to be easy for the two of you.
Your current girlfriend may never speak to you or the sister again (can you blame her?), and your friends may not agree with the decision you make.
The situation life has thrown at you is not easy, but you can maneuver it so that there are as few tears shed as possible if you do it the right way.
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