Q: I am sort of dating this girl. We haven’t made it official yet but she has already told me that she’s getting me a present [for Christmas] and she wants me to come meet her parents. I didn’t think I was going to get her anything since we aren’t really dating. What should I do?
-Backed into a CornerA: Ouch. Sorry, Backed. You thought you were just going to spend your Christmas break relaxing in front of the TV and now you have been confronted by one of the complexities of modern dating. And during Dead Week, too! As if you didn’t have enough to worry about.
It is obvious what has happened here. Your “girlfriend” has gotten carried away with herself and thinks that your relationship is more serious than it actually is.
The question is how she has gotten to that point. Have you led her on, acting like a real boyfriend but refusing to call what you are doing “dating”? If so, you have no one to blame for this but yourself.
However, it could just be her own wishful thinking that’s causing your awkward little problem. In this case, your situation is a little trickier. Obviously, you don’t want to just drop her like a hot potato because you’re a little freaked out (although this is a common response). But it’s not the nicest thing to do especially since it’s the holidays. Don’t be mean to her.
Either way, you need to handle this situation right now before it gets any worse. From the tone of your letter, I can’t tell how you feel about her.
So decide – do you want to date her or not? I really hope you do, for her sake, but it’s not fair to her if you are just stringing her along until you can find someone else.
If you really like this girl, talk to her. Maybe you can agree to swap small gifts for Christmas. No grand gestures are needed if you’ve not been dating that long. Keep it simple, and don’t force it.
Also tell her you’re not really ready to meet her parents yet. She should understand.
If your idea of Christmas vacation really doesn’t include buying her a gift and meeting her parents, break it to her nicely. She’s not going to be very happy, but it would be much more embarrassing for her to take you to meet her parents and then have to tell them you broke up before New Year’s. Spare her, and yourself, the pain.
You could possibly even salvage the relationship by saying that you like to take things slowly. Most girls would probably like to hear that, right? It’s a sign of maturity on your part by not wanting to jump into a relationship before you even know the other person. Tell her you’re still trying to get to know her and you don’t want all the holiday formalities of dating to interfere with that process. While this is about half truth and half B.S., it’s worth a shot.
Happy holidays to both of you.
Questions? Comments? Send your emails for The Whole Enchilada to et_enchilada@yahoo.com.

Author