Last fall, my first semester at ETSU, I noticed something about this campus. Yes, I noticed the difficult parking situation and the large amounts of homework, but I also noticed a small army waiting to attack the campus. This army may not be equipped with machine guns and aircraft, but I think they have found another sort of weapon. This weapon is acorns. Yes, you heard me correctly. I am speaking of squirrels.
They are cute little innocent creatures, or so I thought. These squirrels, I have learned, have Chuck Norris capabilities that are masked under an innocent little bodies and bushy tails.
My first experience occurred last fall as I was walking to class. My mind was absorbed in schoolwork and I became distracted by something small flying to the ground at my feet. I pushed this distraction from my mind and kept on walking past Gilbreath Hall. Within a few seconds, a second small object came flying past me. At this, I stopped and looked down only to find an acorn lying on the ground. I thought, “There is no way a squirrel did that!” You see, this acorn was not “dropped.” It was thrown by a highly trained being. I looked up into the tree I was walking under, and to my astonishment, the acorn chucker had indeed been a squirrel.
As the months progressed, I always found myself watching these little animals running around campus. As my curiosity grew, I began asking other students if they had similar experiences, or if I was alone in this. In the words of Leslie Griffith, “I propose that instead of $175 added tuition to bring back football, we use this money to invest in acorn-blocking helmets.” Josh Maples, ETSU student, said, “I was attacked because I slightly, and accidentally, mind you, cornered one next to the bell tower and it kung foo’d itself onto my foot! I hope the guy that was standing behind me sees this because he couldn’t stop laughing.”
Stephen Matthews, a mass communication major, was eating lunch outside Burger King one day when he witnessed a hamburger theft. The accused: a squirrel. Matthews ranted about the acorn throwing, and also about the hissing noises these squirrels make in one of their territorial fits. “I don’t feel like this is my campus . it’s theirs,” Stephen said.
Grey squirrels are known for their high reproductive rate. They have an average of two litters a year with two to four squirrels in each litter. At this rate, the student to squirrel population will be 1/200 before long.
These squirrels are attracted to ETSU campus because of the vast number of various types of trees. The close proximity of the day-to-day activities between squirrels and students has created a very brave group of squirrels. Test this theory out the next time you’re standing outside Gilbreath Hall waiting on your next class. It won’t take you very long to find a squirrel, I can promise you that. Slowly approach the squirrel and see how close you can actually get before they jet off and scamper up a large tree. You will, no doubt, be amazed by the bravery of these rodents as you come within an arms reach of them.
In all seriousness, I have become fascinated with squirrels. I’m not sure if this fascination is born out of fear of their precision in chucking acorns or sheer admiration of their courage. If you haven’t taken the time to notice the squirrels on campus, I encourage you to do so. And don’t forget to always guard your hamburgers at Burger King.

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