April 20 – During my five years at ETSU I have been witness to many things. I have seen the demise of America’s true pastime football, I have witnessed the impossible as ETSU got its first erection in the form of the Carillon (clock bell tower thing), I have heard Ludacris scream, “All the ladies in the house scream if your p—-‘s clean” and thousands of women applauded, and I have seen a slew of other mediocre bands play here on ETSU’s campus. Through the years one thing has remained the same, ETSU’s SGA has spent a whole lot of money on the most lackluster, worthless, hackneyed bands that America has to offer.
This year the SGA decided to change things up a bit and bring a comedian to ETSU instead of a washed-up radio pop act. At first I threw up a little in my mouth when Jeff Foxworthy was announced, and when he canceled I danced gaily . errr, manly like a lumberjack. At first I hoped that maybe the SGA would see fit to refund my $20 student activities fee, but I knew that wouldn’t happen. Then they announced David Spade, and I thought to myself, “Self, is this the best they could do? . the Everclear of comedy, David Spade.”
A month and a half later I made my way to the Mini-Dome to a diminutive crowd. “There aren’t as many people here as we would have hoped,” ETSU SGA President Josh Shearin said. “The rough estimate is about 2,040.”
Comedian Todd Glass, of David Letterman and Conan O’Brien fame, opened the show to lukewarm applause, but quickly won the crowd over by toying with Traci Evans, the sign language interpreter by saying things that made it look like she was signing them such as, “I know that I am supposed to be signing but I am just so horny!” The rest of Glass’s set was more of the same although it seemed as if he was holding back from getting “dirty” with his set. Glass occasionally looked to the side of the stage before he said something, seemingly to make sure it was ok, and once even stopped himself from saying p—- at one point. After only 23 minutes Glass abruptly finished his set and announced David Spade.
Then Spade took the microphone clad in an oversized western shirt and baseball hat and that is when the funny stopped. Spade’s set was full of arcane jokes that dated back his SNL days. It seems like in film Spade’s standup is only funny when he has somebody there to play off of, but his former partner in crime Chris Farley is no longer with us. Maybe Spade’s ‘funny’ died with him.
In the end this is the first event that SGA has put on that was funny on purpose. Although it was not as good as it could have been, it was definitely a step in the right direction. I just pray that they keep heading in the right direction and don’t have the prince of frat rock John Mayer play next semester.

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